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Unread 06-19-2017, 08:04 AM   #1
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Default Anticipating rejection

I've just been talking to an online friend (not from this site) and I've realised that I have this issue of constantly anticipating rejection. I'm overly self-conscious, when I make mistakes, and I'm constantly trying to anticipate their reaction, I'm having this fear while I'm talking to them that they will find out something negative about me, or that I'm not interesting enough, smart enough, whatever enough, and will not want to continue talking to me or keeping in touch.

Very often this kind of thinking makes me avoid contacting people, though then I feel alone and want to, but I'm so afraid of the potential rejection.
There is this feeling of shame-like thing, that they will eventually not like me, and find out something that will make them drift away.

This is something I've been struggling my whole life...Only lately my sensitivity has sky-rocketed (if that's possible) and I feel it even more.

Based on what I've read the "cure" for shame is openness, so maybe sharing about these issues will help somewhat...Still, it's a huge struggle.
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Unread 06-19-2017, 08:19 AM   #2
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Default Re: Anticipating rejection

fear of a rejection is a relatively common feeling.

It can be hard to open up, fearing you will be diminished in some way or rejected.

I went through the same way after being burnt many times. I thought it was me, but once I found my roots, I realized it was the other people.

You have to try and get out of the house and interact with people. A good exercise for overcoming the feeling of rejection could be to go into some retail stores and talk to the people that work there. Just ask a question about a product.

Talking to people without the fear of rejection can bolster your self esteem until you can get the point you CAN avoid the fear.
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Unread 06-19-2017, 09:00 AM   #3
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Default Re: Anticipating rejection

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedHaldol View Post
fear of a rejection is a relatively common feeling.

It can be hard to open up, fearing you will be diminished in some way or rejected.

I went through the same way after being burnt many times. I thought it was me, but once I found my roots, I realized it was the other people.

You have to try and get out of the house and interact with people. A good exercise for overcoming the feeling of rejection could be to go into some retail stores and talk to the people that work there. Just ask a question about a product.

Talking to people without the fear of rejection can bolster your self esteem until you can get the point you CAN avoid the fear.
Thanks for your input. I'm not really afraid of talking to people though, mainly, though that can be an issue too, but it's more about relationships, like when you share more about yourself or being afraid to be yourself because they will not like you. I sometimes talk a lot, but it doesn't help, the feeling of shame and "something is wrong with me and they will not like me" is still there. I guess I just become someone who they'd might accept, like a chameleon, and it's so natural to me that I do it without knowing or wanting to. And then I feel bad because I'm not myself. But I fear that being myself would scare people away. Something like this. I think I've had a lot of experiences with rejection when I was a child. Probably the magic bullet is called "just be yourself". But I apparently am unable to do so because of these old fears and because I'm not even sure who that is. Maybe, someday....
Just wanted to see if someone can relate...Sometimes I feel like I'm completely alone with my issues and most people don't get them...
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Unread 06-19-2017, 09:22 AM   #4
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Default Re: Anticipating rejection

I'm fine talking to people in general, if there's a topic defined (like asking a question about a product). But when the topic is ME, I freeze up and don't know what to say. I'm scared to say anything, really.
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Unread 06-19-2017, 11:45 AM   #5
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Default Re: Anticipating rejection

same...

im fine talking to people...

but when it has to become more intimate, more involved, more about me, thats when i have a problem...
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Unread 06-19-2017, 02:07 PM   #6
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Default Re: Anticipating rejection

I guess the answer lies in your inner gate keeper. You should try and only allow certain things from your mind out into the universe by conversation with other people.
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Unread 06-20-2017, 02:02 PM   #7
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Default Re: Anticipating rejection

This feeling is basically present anytime, every time, it's like there is always an expectation I need to live up to. It's so exhausting to live like this. It's probably about never feeling good enough. But lately it's making me not wanting to communicate or always switch to automatic-mode...It's like every word I say, every letter, could be the reason of being potentially rejected.
I'd love to be able to relax and let myself make mistakes. But I'd be terrified to do that...it's scary to let go the control. But I know sooner or later either I'll do that or I'll lose it completely...
Maybe it's too late
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Unread 06-20-2017, 03:50 PM   #8
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(((((((( subtle lights ))))))))
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Unread 06-21-2017, 10:05 AM   #9
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Default Re: Anticipating rejection

Quote:
Originally Posted by subtle lights View Post
This feeling is basically present anytime, every time, it's like there is always an expectation I need to live up to. It's so exhausting to live like this. It's probably about never feeling good enough. But lately it's making me not wanting to communicate or always switch to automatic-mode...It's like every word I say, every letter, could be the reason of being potentially rejected.
I'd love to be able to relax and let myself make mistakes. But I'd be terrified to do that...it's scary to let go the control. But I know sooner or later either I'll do that or I'll lose it completely...
Maybe it's too late
Can't look back.

To me, it feels like a cluttered mind and inner issues that are creating a form of automated and subconcious actions and thoughts that disrupt the normal flow.

I've made countless of mistakes, I knew I can never look back the moment i step forward to catch up with time. At times, my mind will try and force me to close myself up, which makes me display stiffness in body movement and sour expression.

Making mistakes, I perceive "major mistakes" requires some proper analysis for me before taking a leap of faith. Normal mistakes, I'll just tell myself it's another process to overcome. I never been this bold many times in my life previously before my ex broke up with me. Now, my inner therapist is just telling me " Go and walk your own path, discover uncharted areas"
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