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Unread 02-28-2017, 09:58 PM   #1
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Default how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

How do we learn to love ourselves? Does anyone have any idea? I know I need to get back into therapy. But how do I make myself really want it if I don't believe I am worth it and I think I am hopeless? I am asking because I don't want to hurt people in my life.

But I don't know how to want to get better for myself because I don't love myself or believe I have any value. I don't see hope for my future either. I've tried a lot of medications and I've been to many therapists.

I have always have gotten stuck in therapy because of this and I am sick of hearing from therapists that I should make a list of achievements or other trite suggestions they usually give.

i don't know how DBT can be helpful for my suicidality either which is a big issue for me. I've done DBT before. but i don't know how to accept myself and forgive myself for things in the past, so learning the skills again seems useless to me.

The only motivation I have for getting back into treatment is that i don't want to hurt my family, although i feel that i am hurting them too much by being alive, especially my husband. he wants me to get treatment but he wants me to want it for myself. so i don't know what to do.
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Unread 02-28-2017, 10:00 PM   #2
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Default Re: how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

also, i was wondering if anyone here has tried doing TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation), fisher wallace stimulator, or alpha-stim, to help with their mental health problems and if it has helped them. i'd like to avoid medication if i can. also, any supplements, diets, or other natural therapies that have helped people with BPD?
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Unread 02-28-2017, 10:57 PM   #3
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Default Re: how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

I didn't think I was worth it either, but my partner is, my relationship is, and I am part of that relationship... Besides he believes I am worth it, so was worth a shot.

So maybe I didn't do it 100% for myself, but it still is for me because I wanted to have healthier relationships with my loved ones, so I guess its a bit of both depending how you look at it.

Also, regarding the DBT, Distress Tolerance and Mindfulness is supposed to help with suicidality...

It's not for everyone, but with lots of practice it has definitely helped me
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Unread 02-28-2017, 10:59 PM   #4
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Default Re: how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

Have you ever had the ability to accept and forgive yourself? Do you like yourself?
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Unread 02-28-2017, 11:15 PM   #5
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Default Re: how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Have you ever had the ability to accept and forgive yourself? Do you like yourself?
Hi, no I don't like myself. I don't know, I don't think I have been able to ever accept or forgive myself.
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Unread 02-28-2017, 11:21 PM   #6
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Default Re: how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

I'm sorry for that for you. I'm not sure what to suggest, maybe DBT.

I was diagnosed with Borderline traits, but I have always liked myself. I entertain myself. I have a big imagination, see beauty and humor in things.

I'm not sure if not liking yourself is a symptom of Borderline.

Sure, there are things about myself I don't accept or forgive, but I have a general like.

Maybe you could make a list of the things you do like about yourself. What are you good at? Who do you help? Even gives yourself points for caring for a plant.
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Unread 02-28-2017, 11:40 PM   #7
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Default Re: how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0 View Post
I didn't think I was worth it either, but my partner is, my relationship is, and I am part of that relationship... Besides he believes I am worth it, so was worth a shot.

So maybe I didn't do it 100% for myself, but it still is for me because I wanted to have healthier relationships with my loved ones, so I guess its a bit of both depending how you look at it.

Also, regarding the DBT, Distress Tolerance and Mindfulness is supposed to help with suicidality...

It's not for everyone, but with lots of practice it has definitely helped me
Thanks for reading my post and replying. I think DBT is valuable but I think for some people it should probably be used with other types of therapy. I know a lot have so much unresolved stuff inside me that I don't know what to do with. And because I feel like such a burden to others and dislike myself so much, its so hard to use skills when I feel that way at the core.
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Unread 02-28-2017, 11:44 PM   #8
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Default Re: how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I'm sorry for that for you. I'm not sure what to suggest, maybe DBT.

I was diagnosed with Borderline traits, but I have always liked myself. I entertain myself. I have a big imagination, see beauty and humor in things.

I'm not sure if not liking yourself is a symptom of Borderline.

Sure, there are things about myself I don't accept or forgive, but I have a general like.

Maybe you could make a list of the things you do like about yourself. What are you good at? Who do you help? Even gives yourself points for caring for a plant.
Thank you for reading my post and responding. I don't know about all people with BPD, but I think a lot of people with BPD feel worthless and even hate themselves.

Thanks for the suggestion. I've tried doing that in therapy many times and its very difficult for me to do. I don't really have any valuable or unique skills or talents, I think I tend to make things worse when I get involved with anything because of my incompetence and my emotional instability.
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Unread 03-01-2017, 08:11 AM   #9
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Default Re: how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

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Originally Posted by adashofhope View Post
Thanks for reading my post and replying. I think DBT is valuable but I think for some people it should probably be used with other types of therapy. I know a lot have so much unresolved stuff inside me that I don't know what to do with. And because I feel like such a burden to others and dislike myself so much, its so hard to use skills when I feel that way at the core.
Oh Definitely!!!

I have individual therapy weekly on top of the DBT.

I doubt I would have found it as effective if I weren't untangling some serious roots...
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Unread 03-01-2017, 09:00 AM   #10
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Default Re: how do you find self-acceptance and self-forgiveness?

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Originally Posted by Trippin2.0 View Post
Oh Definitely!!!

I have individual therapy weekly on top of the DBT.

I doubt I would have found it as effective if I weren't untangling some serious roots...
Do you know what other types of therapy your therapist used other than DBT? My last therapist liked to do childhood visualization exercises which I didn't really like because I didn't feel like they helped to change anything for me. I'm not sure what type of therapy that is. She also incorporated schema therapy which did make some sense to me.
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