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Old 04-13-2018, 05:16 AM   #611
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Default Re: The BPD Check-In Thread #7

I am making serious progress in DBT therapy. My therapist was very excited yesterday because I felt an emotion like the average person for the first time ever. The anniversary of my mom's death is Monday. 10 years.

I had a moment where I just stood in the kitchen and cried. My brain normally then pulls up my father's death and every other painful experience ever and it hurts so much it's like the world is ending.

This time I cried, felt the loss and then moved on. Strangest thing ever. I'm starting to feel like I have some control over my emotions. It's such a foreign experience after being emotionally led my entire life.
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Old 04-13-2018, 03:03 PM   #612
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Went to T this afternoon and she helped quite a bit. I do need to do more work with counteracting the negative self-talk. That seems to be the usual thing.

Woke up early to the sound of ice hitting the AC unit's fan. Little bits of ice chips everywhere. I turned the unit off and slept in for a few more hours.

Otherwise I'm doing okay.
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Old 04-13-2018, 10:12 PM   #613
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i made my choice of therapists, but i see the old one tomorrow and I'm afraid i might change my mind again. But, since I talked about this with my husband, I think the choice has been made. I'm feeling very worried about all of this. Nothing feels right anymore...that's just when one needs to be in therapy. Problem is, the first one was more accomodating (easier to get an appointment). I hate hard decisions! Plus, i've gotta start the whole history over again. But the new therapist is a good listener, but also doesn't just let me rant on the whole session. Oh, I hope good things happen soon because I'm very anxious and sad about all of this.
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Old 04-13-2018, 11:50 PM   #614
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I've been away a long time. Not sure how long. I guess I could check. Feeling lonely tonight though I would kick and scream if I was made to socialize. The keys on my keyboard are sticky and I don't know why. Think I'm going to have to sort that out before I write any more. You've all been saved by sticky keys.
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Old 04-15-2018, 03:43 PM   #615
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Giddykitty: good luck with your therapist(s). I have two and I just changed recently. One is for my regular issues and the other is an EMDR therapist, so she's more for trauma.

BTW, my old T sent my new T a handwritten summary. New T was rather impressed. I thought it was cool too.

Did a lot of housework today. Three loads of laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming, and sweeping. I am still really out of shape. We were supposed to do some planning for next month but my husband is taking a nap. Still have to make dinner though.
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Old 04-15-2018, 09:16 PM   #616
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Well i did change my mind. I think thats partly why im so depressed. I really could have benefitted from both or a new perspective. This is still ok though. Old t seems to be stepping up and husband is happy this way.

New problem though, insurance may stop covering my therapy after so many sessions. Anyone else have this problem? Do you get more insurance like a second insurance? I doubt we can afford that, but I'm kinda panicking now about this thought of being without just as I'm really starting to benefit from it. :/
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Old 04-17-2018, 10:12 PM   #617
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I'm still here. I don't post much but I still come around. Right now I only have traits of BPD and seem to be dealing with them mostly ok. I am dealing with my autistic son who has hit puberty. The two don't seem to mix well so we are dealing with crisis after crisis. I am in school part-time and just about finished, should finish in June.
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Old 04-18-2018, 03:59 PM   #618
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Quiet day though kind of crabby and impatient. I want out of this house so bad. I don't know if a another house will be different but at least I won't have to relive the bad memories here. My husband, though, is going to be slow this time with the cleanup and fixing up so that'll make things worse.

Picked a chicken and took a shower. That's about it, except for dinner. Husband is taking a nap so don't know when he'll be up. At least dinner will be a quick fix.
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Old 04-20-2018, 04:34 AM   #619
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this week I crossed something else off my bucket list.

I went to the farm to stroke the animals (and stroked goats, and cows, and pigs)

it was very loud, and very triggery at times, but I did it- and while I was their I even tried a new drink (cherry flavoured tango)

I am getting pretty ****ed off with all this nice weather we're having, it's playing havock with my MI psymptoms (I need rain, and soon!)

I am still not sleeping either, barely even able to lie down, that's hard sometimes.

the other thing I managed to do this week was cut ties with someone who was not a good friend, she would lie to me, and pretend to protect me- long story, her and her friend from australia run an email group together, he hates me (the guy from australia), he tells her he hates me, then she's like oh.. we all like you and want you to be our friends.... **** off
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Old 04-20-2018, 03:34 PM   #620
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My daughter's cat still has a bladder stone, so she's scheduled for surgery next week. Cost about $1000. My daughter has savings, but that was for the apartment so I hope she can recoup that when she goes to work.

Worried a bit about money, but will look at that this weekend.

Other than that I'm okay.
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