Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > >



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-10-2018, 09:08 PM   #1
Blueberrybook
Magnate
 
Blueberrybook's Avatar
Blueberrybook has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,220 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: body acceptance

58 hugs
given
Default body acceptance

Having a past with eating disorders, I've never had a great self-image to begin with. When I was in college, I cut some, and there are some fine scar lines from that, but I'm luckily, unless you are looking for them, you don't notice them (SO grateful for that especially as I have a 10-year old daughter now who doesn't give me much privacy). I have a scar from a scratch on my leg I got from a cat when I was 4 or 5 and honestly, that is much more noticeable than the self-harm scars. Because of the eating disorder, I've had to come around to the idea that no matter what I weigh, I probably will never be happy with it and feel that it is too much.

This February, I had to have emergency surgery for a perforated ulcer. It was a very traumatic surgery. It left a 4 inch plus scar from my belly button up. I can still see the dots where all the staples poked in too. I really, really hate this latest addition to my body especially since I was in very good shape beforehand, abs getting all nice and toned. Not 20 any more, but not bad for a 40 year old mother. I know this scar is still healing, but OMG, is it ever taking its time! I don't know how I'll ever accept it. Before the ulcer happened, I was so happy because of the running I was doing, I was well on my way to being able to rock a bikini by summer.

Now, I've got this giant eyesore on my stomach. My 10 year old daughter (who is squeamish and hates medical stuff) still tries not to look at it if she's around me and my shirt is off.

Worse, the surgery made me lose a lot of weight, and that made old eating disorder voices happy and having me thinking I should lose more weight even though logically, I know I should not. I weigh 102 lb. now, and that is really too little, even if my bone structure is small. Even worse, I have an M.S. degree in Cell & Molecular Biology and an undergraduate degree in microbiology, so I know quite a bit about how the body works, the calories we need, what happens when we start burning muscle (like our heart). Obviously, none of it is good for you.

It felt like I was finally maybe coming to some sort of peace with my body after over 20 years, and now I'm back at ground zero, worse than that now because of this stupid scar. That scar is there for life. They had to cut deep; it's not going anywhere. My sister told me to view it as a battle wound and a reminder that I'm stronger than I think (because honestly, if I had known of the coming pain of this surgery & its recovery, I think I would have done something regrettable to be able to never have had to go through the pain of that horrific experience). Family occasionally get on me about my weight, but when they can compare images of me at 80 lb. to 102 lb., 102 does not look so bad.

I don't know if I ever will be able to accept my body. I guess if I ever work with a T again (I've always had problems clicking with therapists), it would be something to work on. How do those of you with scars accept it and move on?
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia/EDNOS, Panic Disorder, ADHD

Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
Blueberrybook is offline   Reply With Quote

advertisement
Old 07-11-2018, 04:01 PM   #2
Skeezyks
Apparition
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Minne-apple
Posts: 15,744 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: body acceptance

3 yr Member
11.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Re: body acceptance

Well... fortunately, I guess, I'm a guy. So I suppose it's different for me. I have scars from 3 previous surgeries. Two of them are strategically placed so that I have joked in the past, if I could just get two more in the right spot, I'd be able to play tic tac toe on my belly!

One of my scars (the really noticeable one) runs from my navel down to you-know-where. Following that surgery, the surgeon taped me back together (just like a paper doll!) It held together... but not that well. So it's sort-of like one lane of a highway running down there. (Sometimes it can even be a bit sensitive. But not enough to make me want to try to have anything done about it.)

I guess the good thing at this point is that, although I've had these scars for quite a few years now (one since I was a teenager), I really just don't think much about them anymore. And since I'm old at this point, it really just no longer matters. I have other things that are of greater concern. But, anyway, that's my scar story.

If I was having trouble accepting my scars, though, I know the technique I would employ in order to deal with it would be the practice of compassionate abiding because it is my go-to practice for working with all manner of anxiety, difficult memories & emotions, & intrusive thoughts. Perhaps you're familiar with it? Just in case you're not, though, here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

Skeezyks is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 11-01-2018, 09:12 PM   #3
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 76,170 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
46.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: body acceptance

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 11-01-2018, 10:15 PM   #4
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna "President Coma Ti Chiamo" i.e., pres. watsisname
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 28,739 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: body acceptance

5 yr Member
36.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: body acceptance

Being obese, i look at a lot of obesity surgery sites. Those scars always look horrendous but fade quite a bit as time goes on, so i would say, just give it time and cocoa butter!
unaluna is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 11-02-2018, 05:37 AM   #5
MickeyCheeky
Elder
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 6,896 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: body acceptance

2 yr Member
12.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: body acceptance

((((Blueberrybook)))) I agree that you should look at them as battle scars. And hopefully, as other have said, they will gradually disappear. Please, don't be too hard on yourself
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2018, 08:54 PM   #6
Blueberrybook
Magnate
 
Blueberrybook's Avatar
Blueberrybook has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,220 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: body acceptance

58 hugs
given
Default Re: body acceptance

Most of my scar has healed, except a thick area around an inch long that is a darker pink (not infected or anything like that). Most of it healed better than I imagined; you'd probably have to be within 2 feet to really notice it (you could see it farther from 2 ft. away, but only if you knew you were looking for it). Other than the thick part. And, looking close, those holes from the staples are still there! OMG! Will those never go away? They are nearly as noticeable as the surgical scar, which went much deeper.

I guess I'm getting more OK with it. Still wish I didn't have it. At least, it doesn't freak out my daughter any more. Though I still feel the need to explain it, for example to my doctor at a well woman's exam and my dermatologist (have lots of moles & the coloring to be at heightened risk for skin cancer, not a consultation on scar removal; I can't afford that). I mean, duh, it is obviously a surgical scar, nothing I could possibly have done on my own to myself. I don't know why I feel I have to explain it or maybe justify it. It's just weird.

I'm never going to love this scar, and I'd much rather not have it. I do wish it would heal along the area taking the longest. But the doctors involved in the surgery - the trauma surgeons, the consulting followup GI doc - say it is healing beautifully, so I assume they have seen worse...

And I suppose, honestly, the stretch marks I have (from the eating disorder, not my pregnancy) are more unsightly than that scar. But it really does suck to forever be carrying around on my body a visible memento of one of the worst days of my life.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia/EDNOS, Panic Disorder, ADHD

Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
Blueberrybook is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 11-08-2018, 03:35 AM   #7
MickeyCheeky
Elder
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 6,896 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: body acceptance

2 yr Member
12.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: body acceptance

((((Blueberrybook)))) I'm glad things are going a bit better at least.
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-11-2018, 03:57 PM   #8
Blueberrybook
Magnate
 
Blueberrybook's Avatar
Blueberrybook has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,220 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: body acceptance

58 hugs
given
Default Re: body acceptance

Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
((((Blueberrybook)))) I'm glad things are going a bit better at least.
Thanks, me too. I guess I have to view it as a battle wound because that incident could have killed me. If it had been 10 minutes later, it might have.
It is still one of the worst days of my life and probably always will be.

I think I have gotten some PTSD from it too, especially with hearing sirens, not the greatest thing since there is a fire station a block from my backyard in one direction and an EMS dispatch about 2 blocks down the other direction, the police station farther down that road. Sirens are very common around my house.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia/EDNOS, Panic Disorder, ADHD

Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
Blueberrybook is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:22 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp


 
Helplines and Lifelines