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Old 02-21-2019, 08:20 PM   #551
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My brain doesnt feel good I cant stop groaning. What is wrong with me what is wrong with me Im so confused
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Old 02-21-2019, 09:01 PM   #552
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I had to reduce my haldol dose as I ran out and I didnít want to go completely without it. Iím feeling it. Starting to get paranoid again. I was SURE my coworkers were talking about me but this time itís anyone who whispers around me. Iím sure theyíre calling me fat and ugly. This is, of course, ridiculous, but it feels so real. Iím also positive my brother is lying about why he canít hang out this weekend. Things just donít add up. I think heís ditching me for his other friends. Again, most likely untrue, but I canít stop thinking about it.

Good news is the pharmacy just texted me that my script is ready so I can pick it up tomorrow. I told RS to remind me. Heís staying the night tonight even though itís a work night just because we both want to spend time together.
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Old 02-21-2019, 09:16 PM   #553
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Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs View Post
Things are okay. I wish I were seeing my therapist sooner, though. After she had to cancel we couldn't find a time that worked for us both for a few more weeks. I am functioning and doing what I can to cope in healthy ways, I would just like it if I had more consistent appointments so I could make progress a bit quicker. It's because of my work schedule and that everyone probably wants evening/weekend appointments that makes it tough.



Small thing that made me smile today. Someone at work introduced themselves to me at lunch today, and it brightened my mood a bit that they took the time to get to know me.


I'm sorry there's issues with your scheduling , I hope something is able to help you I understand needing more consistent appointments. I went from having a lot of support for a long time to now only seeing my therapist once a month and doctor every two months.

I think that's great that person introduced themselves to you. Little things like that can make a huge difference. I've had a lot of times that's happened and it makes me want to be like that, smile at someone or give a compliment, ask how they're doing etc. kindness like that can really change a persons day especially if they're struggling
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Old 02-21-2019, 09:25 PM   #554
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I've been very depressed. I finally broke down last night and cried. I have been so overwhelmed with the voices and anxiety it started really getting me down. I felt like the only way to stop it, was to stop me, take my own life. I didn't, because I don't want to die, I just want that stuff to stop. I love life, I'm normally a very happy person but I haven't been feeling right since maybe the autumn. Things don't make me happy anymore, things I normally love, I don't even have an appetite which is highly unusual for me. That's only happened one other time in my life.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on, I'm starting to feel hopeful though. I'm going to have a peer support person soon to talk to when things are difficult. I'm reconnecting with my faith, it disappeared for awhile which was very upsetting. I plan on making it through day by day, I will do things that help me feel better, and make myself eat, shower etc.
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Old 02-21-2019, 10:35 PM   #555
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Hello everyone and happy Thursday my week is almost over granted I get to work Saturday since this whole clinic remodel is my baby and boss worked while the painters were painting so it's only fair that I work Saturday; I'm just a little upset since that is typically date day and after everything with the niece I could really use a date day and okay I kind of miss being in the same bed as him.

The niece is starting to freat about the procedure tomorrow even though it's really nothing. I keep trying to tell her I had something similar when I was in the hospital with a scary high heart rate and super low blood pressure. She is mad that she also only gets to miss one day of school and we all made her get the assignments for tomorrow so they can be done by Monday. It will also be my first vacation day that I willingly am taking off work. That feels so weird to type.

In work news M and I got an email from the CEO about our public apperence talking about the clinic remodel, flu season, and what kind of services we offer. That he was proud of us and we really made the organization look good and that he was also excited to see the remodel; which just makes you feel good reading something like that. The old job we never got emails from the CEO at all, no job well done; no keep up the good work nothing her assistant sent those sort of emails. The two places couldn't be more different and I am honestly thriving in a place that actually values their employees; this time last year I finally realized what a crappy place I was working for.

Hugs to everyone
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Old 02-21-2019, 11:24 PM   #556
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I've been very depressed. I finally broke down last night and cried. I have been so overwhelmed with the voices and anxiety it started really getting me down. I felt like the only way to stop it, was to stop me, take my own life. I didn't, because I don't want to die, I just want that stuff to stop. I love life, I'm normally a very happy person but I haven't been feeling right since maybe the autumn. Things don't make me happy anymore, things I normally love, I don't even have an appetite which is highly unusual for me. That's only happened one other time in my life.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on, I'm starting to feel hopeful though. I'm going to have a peer support person soon to talk to when things are difficult. I'm reconnecting with my faith, it disappeared for awhile which was very upsetting. I plan on making it through day by day, I will do things that help me feel better, and make myself eat, shower etc.
Sending many many
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Old 02-22-2019, 12:14 AM   #557
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Crappy mood. Feel stressed and irritable. Gonna smoke a joint and report back in a few.
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Old 02-22-2019, 02:11 AM   #558
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Up with an asthma attack. I think my "cold" is influenza and while I've been doing ok with my lungs tonight I woke up wheezing. So I've had a few hits from my emergency inhaler and am doing a breathing treatment.

This sickness can go away anytime. It's been a week and I have plans. Sunday I'm supposed to go to a play with my nieces and Monday is therapist and pdoc which is a long day since pdoc is 2.5 hours each way.

Oh well. My outlook will improve when it isn't 3 AM and I'm not having to do things that agitate me. Sorry.
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Old 02-22-2019, 03:18 AM   #559
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Your secret friend L7 checking in, grateful that his long-dead parents never had to see what became of their first-born son, reminding you that if you tolerate abuse, you implicitly concede that you deserve the abuse.

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Old 02-22-2019, 04:12 AM   #560
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Reporting back. Did smoke that joint and I was floating on a blissful cloud of mental and physical pain release.
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