Do you relate to this? - Forums at Psych Central


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-23-2019, 03:36 PM #1
Erecura's Avatar
Erecura Erecura is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 34
Erecura Erecura is offline
Member
Erecura's Avatar
Erecura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 34

2 yr Member
Default Do you relate to this?

I currently go to therapy but I question some things about it. According to my therapist, I don't have a mental illness, but I have troubles I should work on. I kind of disagree and I think I might be bipolar II, I know none of you are actual psychiatrist and none of you can diagnose me, but I wanna know if you can relate to this and if you think that I might be right and my therapist might be wrong...

I do have phases that usually last for abut 2 weeks - 1 month when I feel good. I've never felt extremely good, I just feel...okay, happy, fine. During these times, I'm able to work more effectively, stick to my goals, eat healthy, drink less, workout regulary. I just feel like a consistent normal person who is able to function. I sleep about 7-8 hours and am able to get up, do yoga, prepare healthy breakfast, finish everything at work, invest time in my hobbies. I talk to people, I'm friendly, I go to the gym, I lose weight, eat 3 meals a day, count calories. I'm full of new ideas, new projects, I'm enthusiastic, excited and feel like the future holds great things for me. I'm self confident, decisive, rational, intelligent, practical. I make plans, goals, I stick to my schedules, I act according to the plan, I'm productive, to the point, I'm everything I've ever wanted to be. I feel confident, hot, pretty... During these times, I feel like I finally reached happiness, I got healthy and I know what it feels like to be a normal person without any mental health troubles. I usually think I got magically well and I don't need therapy anymore.

Then I have phases, that usually last for ... it feels like it's longer but I think it's actually 2 weeks - month as well. When I feel like an ugly little **** who doesn't deserve to live. I sleep 10 - 11 hours, I feel tired all the time and nothing can get me excited. I feel sad, depressed, melancholic and like crying all the time. I sometimes feel so much pain, and I have no idea where it comes from. It just suddenly hits me, it's so overwhelming it feels like I lost everything in my life, even though I know it's not true. I know the pain is irrational and it comes from a thin air, yet it still comes regularly and I can't fight it. Then negative thoughts start to appear as well, suddenly I feel like my positive and productive phase was just an illusion. Like I was living a dream and a cold harsh reality hits me from every side. I feel useless, unproductive, lazy, ugly, fat, selfish, stupid, weak. I hate myself, I despise myself. It feels like I've been like this all the time and the positive thoughts were just there to cover up the truth about my life for a short while. I get suicidal, impulsive, I start drinking. I feel like I hat everyone including myself and I get flesh backs of past negative or shameful situations.

Does it sound like something that someone with bipolar would experience?
Erecura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 01-23-2019, 03:52 PM #2
AspiringAuthor AspiringAuthor is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Mountain View
Posts: 513
AspiringAuthor AspiringAuthor is offline
Veteran Member
AspiringAuthor has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Mountain View
Posts: 513

317 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you relate to this?

It suggests Bipolar II (I am not sure they use the division between I and II in UK, though, but basically bipolar with depression and hypomania, but without frank mania). You also a very eloquent person .

This site has a Mood tracker: Mood Tracker - Track your daily mood on Psych Central

I would track moods for three months and then take the mood tracker to a psychiatrist (not a therapist). It is also surprising the current therapist has not picked up on your phases, since they seem so textbook.

As an alternative to this side's Mood Tracker (or an addition to it), you can use Optimism Online, which is customizable, and in your particular case it would make sense to track when you start what is called "self-medicating" with alcohol, to see if you can unearth patterns of correlations between phases of mood and drinking.

In general what is happening with you is called mood congruent memory, which is a type of cognitive bias that makes you recall events of the same affective (mood) state as your current state. For this reason you are getting flashbacks of past negative or shameful situations when you are feeling very low. Also for this reason you think that the productive stage was an illusion - it feels so because it is hard to recall (to feel that it was real) a state that is starkly different from your current state. This bias is a trick the mind plays on us.
__________________
Bipolar I w/Psychotic features

Zyprexa Zydis 5 mg + Zyprexa regular 2.5 mg
Topamax 30 mg
Gabapentin 1200 mg
Melatonin 10 mg
Levoxyl 75 mcg (because I took Lithium in the past)


past medications: Depakote, Lamictal, Lithium, Seroquel, Trazodone, Risperdal, Cogentin, Remerol, Prozac, Amitriptyline, Ambien, Lorazepam, Klonopin, Saphris, Trileptal, Clozapine and Clozapine+Wellbutrin
AspiringAuthor is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-23-2019, 04:09 PM #3
Erecura's Avatar
Erecura Erecura is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 34
Erecura Erecura is offline
Member
Erecura's Avatar
Erecura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 34

2 yr Member
Default Re: Do you relate to this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AspiringAuthor View Post
It suggests Bipolar II (I am not sure they use the division between I and II in UK, though, but basically bipolar with depression and hypomania, but without frank mania). You also a very eloquent person .

This site has a Mood tracker: Mood Tracker - Track your daily mood on Psych Central

I would track moods for three months and then take the mood tracker to a psychiatrist (not a therapist). It is also surprising the current therapist has not picked up on your phases, since they seem so textbook.

As an alternative to this side's Mood Tracker (or an addition to it), you can use Optimism Online, which is customizable, and in your particular case it would make sense to track when you start what is called "self-medicating" with alcohol, to see if you can unearth patterns of correlations between phases of mood and drinking.

In general what is happening with you is called mood congruent memory, which is a type of cognitive bias that makes you recall events of the same affective (mood) state as your current state. For this reason you are getting flashbacks of past negative or shameful situations when you are feeling very low. Also for this reason you think that the productive stage was an illusion - it feels so because it is hard to recall (to feel that it was real) a state that is starkly different from your current state. This bias is a trick the mind plays on us.
I think my therapist thinks I'm "ok" 'cause my symptoms seem to be mild. During the worse episodes, I still manage to go to work even if I'm less productive than usual. I still manage to get up, get ready and function, even though it's more difficult and exhausting. I also didn't tell her about the drinking, even though I know I should.

During my better episodes, I actually really act like a normal person and I feel normal. I get positive feedback from others as well, I don'do crazy impulsive stuff like people tend to do during a manic episode, I'm just happy and fine like a person normally "should be". And I feel really well and okay.
Erecura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-23-2019, 04:33 PM #4
wildflowerchild25's Avatar
wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 4,909
wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
Grand Magnate
wildflowerchild25's Avatar
wildflowerchild25 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 4,909 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
5,245 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do you relate to this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Erecura View Post
I think my therapist thinks I'm "ok" 'cause my symptoms seem to be mild. During the worse episodes, I still manage to go to work even if I'm less productive than usual. I still manage to get up, get ready and function, even though it's more difficult and exhausting. I also didn't tell her about the drinking, even though I know I should.

During my better episodes, I actually really act like a normal person and I feel normal. I get positive feedback from others as well, I don'do crazy impulsive stuff like people tend to do during a manic episode, I'm just happy and fine like a person normally "should be". And I feel really well and okay.
I had a nice long reply and then I lost it. Basically I said you can have unipolar depression and still cycle into periods of normalcy. Or you could have something like cyclothymia, where the “up” periods are not that severe.

My recommendation would be to see a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Therapists generally aren’t qualified to diagnose.
__________________
Dx bipolar 1
Depakote 1000mg
Lamictal 100mg
Haldol 10mg

Sit back, take a breath, from your gut not your chest, and realize that you're ok.
-The Expendables

And I believe that every broken bone is meant to be, because when it heals it will be stronger than it was before.
-Streetlight Manifesto

Up and down again, like a rollercoaster. I would love to show you not all hope is lost.
-Framing Hanley
wildflowerchild25 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-23-2019, 04:34 PM #5
Guiness187055's Avatar
Guiness187055 Guiness187055 is online now
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,533
Guiness187055 Guiness187055 is online now
Grand Magnate
Guiness187055's Avatar
Guiness187055 Is sedated
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,533 (SuperPoster!)

2 yr Member
692 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do you relate to this?

Have you seen a psychiatrist besides your T?
__________________
Dx bipolar1
Rx Abilify 20mg
Rx Wellbutrin 300mg XL
Rx Xanax 1mg prn
Rx Lamictal 200mg
Rx Restoril 30mg



I used to be so big and strong
I used to know my right from wrong
I used to never be afraid
I used to be somebody
I used to have something inside
Now just this hole it's open wide
Guiness187055 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-23-2019, 04:52 PM #6
Erecura's Avatar
Erecura Erecura is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 34
Erecura Erecura is offline
Member
Erecura's Avatar
Erecura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 34

2 yr Member
Default Re: Do you relate to this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guiness187055 View Post
Have you seen a psychiatrist besides your T?
I'd visited a psychiatrist in the past but that was a long time ago. 6 years ago I stared to have anxiety and panic attacks and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. The symptoms got much better after a year of treatment and I stopped going there. Now I just visit my therapist.
Erecura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-23-2019, 05:29 PM #7
BirdDancer's Avatar
BirdDancer BirdDancer is online now
Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 2,144
BirdDancer BirdDancer is online now
Magnate
BirdDancer's Avatar
BirdDancer has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 2,144

5 yr Member
3,438 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do you relate to this?

I sort of lean towards wildflowerchild's response, but as Guinness suggests, a psychiatrist is the best person to confirm any diagnosis, or lack thereof.

People can lack insight to hypomania, and even mania. However, the DSM-5, in the US, clearly states that even hypomania is generally noticable to others and clearly reflects a difference from a person's stable state. Hypomanic symptoms are also ones that others can usually identify as "Yea, so-and-so does talk fast" or "Yea, they can act a little wild, or strange, or over-the-top on occasion or seem to do a lot more than most people sometimes." Of course there are people without bipolar that are loud Chatty Cathys and/or high energy wild childs, but they may not exhibit any major changes to that state under normal circumstances. I believe that some people too often underestimate how significant of a dysfunctional state hypomania can be. I have been full blown manic with psychosis, and can say that full blown mania is very severe. Hypomania is not always just "Zippity Doo Dah" skipping down the lane. Most people on earth have skipping down the lane periods.

Have you ever heard of the Bipolar Spectrum? Some experts have a very broad definition of it, while others don't. Some that do may even consider a person whose moods frequently fluctuate between mild to moderate depression and stable baseline as on the spectrum. Such a person may not necessarily qualify for even a bipolar 2 or Cyclothymia diagnosis, but may still benefit from bipolar moodstabilizers more than antidepressants.

I don't know if you are female or male, but in some cases hormonal issues could be in play. Or something totally different unrelated to mental illness. I only mention this because these issues and questions are the reasons why diagnosis by a psychiatrist is recommended.
__________________
I have Bipolar type 1

Tegretol XR generic (1200 mg)
Lamictal generic (100 mg)
Seroquel XR generic (550 mg)
Klonopin generic (0.5 mg)

PRNs - Seroquel IR generic (25 to 100 mg in a day), Ativan (1 mg, up to 3 mg/day)

Others: Propranolol (40 mg), Synthroid (150 mcg), OTC multi-vitamin, OTC iron supplement (during periods), Biotin supplement (for my otherwise thin fingernails)
BirdDancer is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-23-2019, 05:39 PM #8
Erecura's Avatar
Erecura Erecura is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 34
Erecura Erecura is offline
Member
Erecura's Avatar
Erecura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 34

2 yr Member
Default Re: Do you relate to this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer View Post
I sort of lean towards wildflowerchild's response, but as Guinness suggests, a psychiatrist is the best person to confirm any diagnosis, or lack thereof.

People can lack insight to hypomania, and even mania. However, the DSM-5, in the US, clearly states that even hypomania is generally noticable to others and clearly reflects a difference from a person's stable state. Hypomanic symptoms are also ones that others can usually identify as "Yea, so-and-so does talk fast" or "Yea, they can act a little wild, or strange, or over-the-top on occasion or seem to do a lot more than most people sometimes." Of course there are people without bipolar that are loud Chatty Cathys and/or high energy wild childs, but they may not exhibit any major changes to that state under normal circumstances.

Have you ever heard of the Bipolar Spectrum? Some experts have a very broad definition of it, while others don't. Some that do may even consider a person whose moods frequently fluctuate between mild to moderate depression and stable baseline as on the spectrum. Such a person may not necessarily qualify for even a bipolar 2 or Cyclothymia diagnosis, but may still benefit from bipolar moodstabilizers more than antidepressants.

I don't know if you are female or male, but in some cases hormonal issues could be in play. Or something totally different unrelated to mental illness. I only mention this because these issues and questions are the reasons why diagnosis by a psychiatrist is recommended.
I don't know if this counts, but when I was at high school my symptoms used to be far more severe and I couldn't mask it in front of others as well. During my more productive phases my classmates used to ask me if I'm drugs and if I'm doing cocaine. I've mastered my pretending ever since and I try really hard to seem balanced so now people rarely notice anything unless I want them to notice it. The reaction of my classmates at high school was an extreme source of shame for me, and I'd rather die than experience it ever again. I'm extremely fearful about how other people see me.
Erecura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-23-2019, 05:44 PM #9
BirdDancer's Avatar
BirdDancer BirdDancer is online now
Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 2,144
BirdDancer BirdDancer is online now
Magnate
BirdDancer's Avatar
BirdDancer has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 2,144

5 yr Member
3,438 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do you relate to this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Erecura View Post
I don't know if this counts, but when I was at high school my symptoms used to be far more severe and I couldn't mask it in front of others as well. During my more productive phases my classmates used to ask me if I'm drugs and if I'm doing cocaine. I've mastered my pretending ever since and I try really hard to seem balanced so now people rarely notice anything unless I want them to notice it. The reaction of my classmates at high school was an extreme source of shame for me, and I'd rather die than experience it ever again. I'm extremely fearful about how other people see me.
If that is the case, then mention this to your therapist and/or any future psychiatrist. They'll ask more questions, hopefully, and try to figure out where that falls in terms of concern.
__________________
I have Bipolar type 1

Tegretol XR generic (1200 mg)
Lamictal generic (100 mg)
Seroquel XR generic (550 mg)
Klonopin generic (0.5 mg)

PRNs - Seroquel IR generic (25 to 100 mg in a day), Ativan (1 mg, up to 3 mg/day)

Others: Propranolol (40 mg), Synthroid (150 mcg), OTC multi-vitamin, OTC iron supplement (during periods), Biotin supplement (for my otherwise thin fingernails)
BirdDancer is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-23-2019, 05:44 PM #10
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,738
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Grand Poohbah
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets Humor is my end game..
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,738 (SuperPoster!)

101 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you relate to this?

You definitely have to see a doctor. Therapists can be wonderful and full of knowledge but its not the same as a medical doctor.
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:07 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please Read the full Disclaimer.