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Old 01-23-2019, 07:16 PM   #881
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Going on my last post it seems I was kind of honest but his silence scared me. Like he knows Iím onto him. I donít know what to do. I urgently must find something that works. My life is in danger.

Have you thought about going IP to do a med overhaul?
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Old 01-23-2019, 07:27 PM   #882
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Have you thought about going IP to do a med overhaul?
Just got out 2.5 months ago. University starts in a month. I have to fix this on my own.
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Old 01-23-2019, 07:42 PM   #883
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Spring semester started yesterday. I'm doing well, having a lot of anxiety tonight though. Not sure why. I guess I feel kind of overwhelmed. I also feel ashamed because I don't have a job and am 24. I'm on SSI have never really worked, as of yet since being diagnosed with Bipolar @18 then Schizoafffective/Bipolar at 19 years old.. I do hope to someday though which is why I'm in college. I'm almost halfway done with my associates, it's taken me a long time because of having to take breaks and only going part time. At the moment I'm taking 3 classes.

What upset me is that one of the professors asked who was working full or part time along with going to college and most of the class raised their hands. There were some who didn't but... I feel like everyone my age either has a family or a job/career and I feel like I'm a lazy person because I can't handle working yet. I don't feel that way about others who are unable to work but I feel ashamed of myself. Like, will I ever be able to handle a job? I have a hard time even handling school part time. I can manage that, and I hope to get on ticket to work eventually. I try to volunteer different places sometimes when I can.

I had a really bad dream last night about it and of me
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and woke up because I was crying in my sleep. I didn't realize it bothered me that much till now I guess.
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Old 01-23-2019, 09:32 PM   #884
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So my husband made reservations for a hotel in Savannah GA in April as a huge surprise for me as Iím tired of just going to see the kids. A couple weeks ago.

They took out the money today !!!!!!! Most do payment day of check in, not this place. So our bank account is dripping in red.

Our bank is an hour away Iím going to deposit money after my Pdoc appt tomorrow.

This has screwed everything up. We still have some things set up to pull out end of the month so we have to figure out just what needs to go in.

Living on SSDI is just living in poverty, scrimping by and praying nothing breaks.

Neither of us can work heís on oxygen and I have my fibromyalgia PsA and chronic fatigue and messy Bipolar.

We just have to decide what things we can sell and hope we can get a decent amount of $ for it.

Another plucking day in my life. I feel a rage bubbling up.
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Old 01-23-2019, 09:42 PM   #885
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So my husband made reservations for a hotel in Savannah GA in April as a huge surprise for me as Iím tired of just going to see the kids. A couple weeks ago.

They took out the money today !!!!!!! Most do payment day of check in, not this place. So our bank account is dripping in red.

Our bank is an hour away Iím going to deposit money after my Pdoc appt tomorrow.

This has screwed everything up. We still have some things set up to pull out end of the month so we have to figure out just what needs to go in.

Living on SSDI is just living in poverty, scrimping by and praying nothing breaks.

Neither of us can work heís on oxygen and I have my fibromyalgia PsA and chronic fatigue and messy Bipolar.

We just have to decide what things we can sell and hope we can get a decent amount of $ for it.

Another plucking day in my life. I feel a rage bubbling up.

That suuuucks!!! Iíve had that happen to me in the past and itís infuriating. I agree that ssdi does not pay a living wage. I hope you can find some money to get you through. Iím sorry this is happening to you!
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Old 01-23-2019, 09:51 PM   #886
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I understand, Christina. We're $700+ overdrawn. ...and have to wait until the 1st for any paycheck deposit.


Today I met with my T. It was a lot of strategy to make an impulsive act of destruction more difficult. I also made a promise that no matter how bad things get I will not act on any impulse, but will write her instead. How many of you have a relationship with your T strong enough that you would make such a promise to them?


...and my car failed its smog test which is due tomorrow.
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Old 01-23-2019, 10:43 PM   #887
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It's day ten of my increased Wellbutrin and i don't feel anything yet. Doc said it might not work until two weeks so there's still some time for it to kick in. I don't think it will tho.


Such an absurd life, high as a kite for months, then down a dark hole for months. But i know there are many worse of than me. Self-hatred and boredom are starting to set in again. I was so sure i had bipolar beat, but here i wind up again, feeling lousy, inert.
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Old 01-23-2019, 11:14 PM   #888
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I understand Christina I am in the same boat that's sinking. I have to run and put money in the bank so things don't bounce. I don't know how we get by each month but we do.
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I used to be so big and strong
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Old 01-24-2019, 01:25 AM   #889
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Hello everyone; hope everyone had a good Wednesday. I had a pretty good day; no problems at work and things are going back to normal after all those chart audits. We are getting ready for the mild renovation and everyone is excited to have new things.

M's mother texted me around lunch to see if I wanted to join her and the psych's wife for Woman's Group that happens on Wednesday. M of course teaches Youth Group on Wednesday's so I figured why not; it's not a scheduled gym day and I did enjoy myself Sunday. Not to mention when I was a child I was an avid Church goer. So it's nice to get back into it.

After study M the pysch and his wife all got dinner together which was nice; even though I'm still trying to adjust to the awkardness of crossing the barrier and being friends instead of his patient. His wife is one of the nicest people ever. It's just weird for me crossing that boundary; granted that boundary doesn't exsist with my primary doc or my Cardiologist; but it could be because we all work for the same organization and it's just less awkward than being friends with the psych.

Which I honestly had nothing to worry about because dinner went very well and wasn't awkward at all; I didn't feel like he was analyzing me at all and he's actually a pretty cool dude. His wife is just the kindest person you will ever meet and he told me hey we are friends outside my office and even inside my office if you are cool with it. So I'm friends with my psych feels very weird to admit.

Hugs to everyone
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Old 01-24-2019, 03:20 AM   #890
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I am doing fine, other than my stomach. I drink coffee on an empty stomach as I usually skip meals. I am going to get an ulcer.
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