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Old 01-17-2019, 10:36 PM   #731
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Having problems with voices tonight. Trying to calm down now.


Hope the shush up ASAP
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Old 01-18-2019, 04:41 AM   #732
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I'm still climbing. 5 hours of sleep last night. I feel superb.

I can't function anymore. I haven't worked a full shift this month yet. I need to get under control.

I was beginning to experience some paranoia last night that I was able to brush off with self-awareness, but it's probably going to come back.
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Old 01-18-2019, 05:27 AM   #733
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I'm feeling very distracted by thoughts (self- destructive ones)

I might watch bizardvark in a bit- which is like the only thing at the moment that helps. that said, I just found out my favorite character isn't even going to be in season 3 of the show so it probably won't even be that funny (and It probably won't have the same theme tune either.). can you tell I'm obsessed with bizardvark?

had my shower today which didn't help. made me feel gross and horrible

0 hours of sleep, which, even though it's bad every night,,, is particuarly bad because my back is killing me from chronic pain
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Old 01-18-2019, 10:26 AM   #734
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That's the thing, I'm very strongly inclined to cancel all further appointments with her.
Why? If it is ok to ask...

I really hope things look up for you soon. Lots of
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Old 01-18-2019, 11:13 AM   #735
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Why? If it is ok to ask...

I really hope things look up for you soon. Lots of
Thanks for the well wishes and hugs. I'm inclined to stop seeing my T because she's too perfect. I constantly judge myself next to her.

I'm not looking forward to today because my wife and son are both away and I'm having intrusive thoughts.
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:22 PM   #736
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I've officially lost the plot.... back on the bandwagon of seeking out guys to have sex with. Joined 3 dating sites. Have WhatsApp my 2 friends to reach out that was over a week ago still waiting on a reply despite them both being online I messaged "hey guys how are you?" Nothing major right. They have still to respond to are you coming to my birthday night out in a few weeks. I sent the invite 2 weeks ago. Been face timing and skyping guys also texting and phone calls. I'm still taking my meds so don't know what's causing it
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:26 PM   #737
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Today is kind of a weird day. I slept solidly until past 6 am and then dozed and slept until after 8:30 am, which is a small miracle for me. It is also 3 years since i had my lung cancer surgery. I would have been waking up just about now.

I have been doing more and more of my physio exercises trying to slowly build up each day so I am stronger and have more energy and my shoulder doesn't freeze up. There's tendonitis in my right shoulder and I have a bad ankle that is missing a ligament after falling on the ice a few years ago. Back when i used to go walking no matter the weather. I have also started reading some works online in the chabad tradition of wisdom and learning.

I did one new thing this week which was to go to an emotions anonymous meeting. I'm going to try an al-anon meeting nearby during the daytime next week. This is a way at least to meet new people.
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Old 01-18-2019, 05:08 PM   #738
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I've just canceled next week's appointment with my (former) T.
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Old 01-18-2019, 05:52 PM   #739
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After two weeks of hypomania Iím heading down fast. My brain feels weird, like itís been crushed in a vice. Iím irritable and confused, and so scared of a mixed state. My thoughts are odd and all over the place but Iím really down and want to hide. Going over my sisters house today to see her and her four kids. Itís going to be 39íC(over 100íF for you guys). Itís 7 am and Iím heading to the beach for a swim. Maybe that will clear my crazy mind.
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Old 01-18-2019, 06:50 PM   #740
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I've been having a nice time. There's advantages to being mildly depressed. I sleep long and well and don't feel tired. I'm calm enough to play and study for Scrabble. I enjoy my cozy home. My thoughts are not as clear as they were tho. They are kind of messy and sometimes it takes a few tries to get something done. Also, my day is chaotic. But it's all tolerable, with moments of happiness and flickers of pleasure. Changing gears from high mood to low mood is very unpleasant but now that i have fully shifted i feel okay.
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