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Old 09-14-2018, 07:23 AM   #671
Blueberrybook
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Last night I fell asleep about 8 and slept until noon except for a few bathroom breaks and a 2 hour bout of diarrhea from klonopin withdrawal (which I think I have failed).

Tonight I can't sleep.

This makes no sense. Sometimes I think that no matter how careful I am with pillboxes that I sometimes mess them up anyway. Or my brain hates me.
I tell myself I can just stop the Klonopin cold turkey and be fine, but I know I'm kidding myself. I'm sorry about your bathroom situation and am glad you got good sleep. Do you work, or are you at least able to go through this at home? I really need to get off the Klonopin, but my life is such a mess right now, I think trying it now would make things even worse.

I have the same problem with pillboxes. It really sucks if I don't pay attention, and I take a Seroquel 400 mg in the morning since Seroquel knocks me right into sleep 15 to 30 minutes later. It is awful if I have to be awake during the day.
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Bupropion 150 XR, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 20 mg, Protonix 20 mg (post-ulcer med), Gabapentin 100 mg 3/day (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

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Old 09-14-2018, 08:13 AM   #672
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I have an appointment with a new T at 4:30 today and am anxious about it. First, I've had problems connecting with therapists in the past. I told her I had bipolar disorder and high stress/panic disorder on the phone but did not mention the ED. Once therapists find out about that, it can turn some of them extremely hesitant to take me on. However, it is a huge advantage this therapist practices practically 5 minutes from my home. She borrows another shop in a nearby shopping center which is why I had no idea there even was a practicing therapist in that shopping center since I have driven by it every time I go into downtown & the library. It is basically behind the playground my daughter's school uses for the younger elementary grades and even has an address on the street that runs behind my back yard. She said she prefers to treat with CBT which is what helped me with the ED, and I am not sure I ever had a therapist who focused on treating mostly by one particular method. Also, keeping this appointment and going regularly should (according to my CPS caseworker) close my case without having to go to a super early 8 AM 4 to 6 hour psych assessment by a CPS psychologist. What is that? A psych assessment on the border of a police investigation, trying to break down a suspect or something?

Even though working with this therapist has been fueled by the CPS investigation, I will at least give her a chance unless she flat out tells me she will not treat me. Usually, there is a point where I try a therapist again, though, yes, I admit it would not have been exactly now. I don't think she will refuse to treat me though. I called her phone number early, expecting voicemail and got her instead. I really think I woke her up; she told me she does appointments from afternoon through evening (8 PM or so). She sounded super tired and insisted I didn't wake her, that she hadn't had her morning coffee yet, but I'm not sure, initially she really sounded as if she had been woken up or maybe had gotten out of bed less than 5 minutes ago. And she was flexible when I had to re-schedule my appt. for today from 1 PM until 4:30 PM until H could watch my daughter. My daughter threw up at school yesterday, and per district policy, has to be vomit free at least 24 hr. before she can return to school. Even though she had only thrown up shortly before the first bell, the nurse told me she cannot go to school today.

I am crossing my fingers things will work out with this therapist, that she will not mind if the CPS contacts her to see I am keeping appointments and such or that the ED will scare her off. The ED is really fed into by running and running and running first in response to stress & anxiety & panic but beyond a certain point, the ED comes back full force. I really need a healthy method of coping with the stress & panic in my life.

Though I have to admit the bipolar mixed state is not doing me any favors either.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia/EDNOS, Panic Disorder, ADHD

Bupropion 150 XR, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 20 mg, Protonix 20 mg (post-ulcer med), Gabapentin 100 mg 3/day (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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Old 09-14-2018, 08:17 AM   #673
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haven't checked in in awhile. on my last week of hosting guests. i've mixed feelings about them going. Hopefully it's not to difficult of a change.

We've plans for one last hoorah before they go. out of town trip. I'm nervous and anxious as hell about it, but excited too. Nervous because our last outing didn't go very well. Ahh well. Can't be afraid, right?



p.s. I got a book on some basic DBT principles. I know this is more for borderline personality disorder, but i think it's helpful for me too (dependant personality as well as just my anxiety and emotions). It's helpful, except that I forget to practice it. ha! like I only remember right after I read a chapter, then it's all practically gone again. i dunno


If you decide to get a therapist you could use either DBT, CBT or ACT. A lot of people do not know about ACT therapy. I learned some of this in the field while in college and rest in college.
Good luck.
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Old 09-14-2018, 09:21 AM   #674
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I'm so sorry. Are the psych people keeping a close watch on you? I hate to say it, but could it be you need IP?
They call me every day. They wanted to put me ip a week+ ago and now they just do these check ins. Everybody at choir said hi and asked how my summer or I was and i had to lie and say good. If anything i am losing memory for how to change my meds that arent blisterpacked- some to put in some to take out?? I feel like staying in bed today and I just woke up.
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Old 09-14-2018, 09:35 AM   #675
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Blueberrybook, good luck at your appointment. I understand how stressful first appointments can be. May I suggest, though, that you do mention your ED to her today. I think some therapists could see not mentioning during at least the first session as a negative sign. I think (I could be wrong) that your mixed bipolar is the most significant issue for you at this very moment. If that's true, I'd hope that would be the primary focus today, but please don't neglect to mention all of your dxs.
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Old 09-14-2018, 09:41 AM   #676
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My toothaches are worsening. Last night I bit into something tough and such a severe pain resulted that I had to cry. I was also totally sweaty on my entire body from just minor physical work. I've been to a dentist, and he says a mouth guard is what I need. I actually put the sucker in this morning. Yes, I'll wear it during the day. As for my other uncomfortable symptoms, my psychiatrist returned my call yesterday and said thay he doubted it was benzo withdrawal behind them. I guess if my symptoms persist, I'll have to go to my GP.
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I have Bipolar type 1

Tegretol XR generic (1200 mg)
Lamictal generic (100 mg)
Seroquel XR generic (600 mg)
Klonopin generic (0.5 mg)
Ativan generic ("as needed" only)

Others: Propranolol (40 mg), Synthroid (150 mcg), multi-vitamin, iron supplement (during period)
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Old 09-14-2018, 11:36 AM   #677
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My toothaches are worsening. Last night I bit into something tough and such a severe pain resulted that I had to cry. I was also totally sweaty on my entire body from just minor physical work. I've been to a dentist, and he says a mouth guard is what I need. I actually put the sucker in this morning. Yes, I'll wear it during the day. As for my other uncomfortable symptoms, my psychiatrist returned my call yesterday and said thay he doubted it was benzo withdrawal behind them. I guess if my symptoms persist, I'll have to go to my GP.
Sorry to hear about your toothache, BirdDancer.

I've had a toothache from cracking a tooth -- a molar in specific -- and that definitely was no fun. (I think I was like 13 or 14 at the time?) It gave me the exact sensation of an earache, too. It was major "ouch"... so I can relate.

I hope you're able to get rid of the pain soon. I had to take a medication for the pain, but I don't remember what it was because I was so young.

Also, I hope your GP is able to help with the other symptoms if you need to go. I wouldn't hesitate if they're getting worse.
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Old 09-14-2018, 11:52 AM   #678
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BirdDancer, I hope you get all that resolved soon.


I don't go into work until this afternoon, so I just went for a bike ride. It's so difficult to stay regular with my rides even though my T constantly reminds me of the benefits and I love the adrenaline.



I'm looking forward to work this afternoon. I'll be showing plots and using my Spanish.
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Old 09-14-2018, 11:54 AM   #679
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Thanks, bluebicycle! A cracked tooth does sound painful. I hope I don't have anything like that, but the pain seems to travel from my top to bottom teeth, but only on my right side. I wouldn't want to take a painkiller, ideally.

I see my psychiatrist next Wednesday. I'll try to be a little active to keep testing some side effects. If they continue into Wednesday, I'll call my GP later that day. I'm also thinking of taking 0.25 mg Ativan every other day instead of 0 mg to see if that has any effect.
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I have Bipolar type 1

Tegretol XR generic (1200 mg)
Lamictal generic (100 mg)
Seroquel XR generic (600 mg)
Klonopin generic (0.5 mg)
Ativan generic ("as needed" only)

Others: Propranolol (40 mg), Synthroid (150 mcg), multi-vitamin, iron supplement (during period)
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Old 09-14-2018, 12:02 PM   #680
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Thanks, bluebicycle! A cracked tooth does sound painful. I hope I don't have anything like that, but the pain seems to travel from my top to bottom teeth, but only on my right side. I wouldn't want to take a painkiller, ideally.

I see my psychiatrist next Wednesday. I'll try to be a little active to keep testing some side effects. If they continue into Wednesday, I'll call my GP later that day. I'm also thinking of taking 0.25 mg Ativan every other day instead of 0 mg to see if that has any effect.
Yeah, I had that with traveling pain, although it was never from top to bottom. It was only left and right, between the ear and my tooth. No idea why it traveled that way, but I ultimately got a root canal to solve the issue. And for some weird reason, the root canal didn't hurt at all, neither during the procedure nor afterwards. Not an ounce of pain and no pain meds. The only thing that was sore was my jaw from being open for so long. I was awake the whole time, too.

So maybe if you ultimately need a root canal, it hopefully won't be too bad. Just a little cap on the tooth and all set. Pain gone.

Obviously no one wants a crown OR a root canal, but it is what it is. If that's what takes away the pain, then so be it. I'll do it again if I ever cross that road again. 0 regrets.
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