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Old 05-12-2018, 02:14 PM #1
BreakForTheLight BreakForTheLight is offline
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Default Why do I do this to myself?

I'm at a convention. The for-fans-of-a-certain-TV-show kind.
It's FIVE DAYS!!! Five days of feeling like I don't fit in, of wandering around on my own during breaks, of hearing about how amazing this fandom is and how many friendships are formed while I, of course, have not made a single friend.

This fandom is quite big on "being a family" and "don't worry, you'll immediately make friends!" And it's so disheartening for the people who DON'T make any friends. And of course I feel like I am the biggest loser around for not meeting people at a convention that's supposed to make everyone feel included. But looking at it objectively, I can see I'm not the only one. There's more people on their own.

Also.... I did not buy a single photo op. So basically I am only here for the panels. and I WISH I could do photo's and have fun like everyone else, but I can't look at pictures of myself. And it's not like everyone else here is prettier than me. I'm not that blind. But I hate that I can't deal with... Myself, basically.
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Old 05-13-2018, 12:54 AM #2
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Default Re: Why do I do this to myself?

It hurts to feel so alone, especially when surrounded by others. I know well the pain of looking around and feeling like everyone else belongs. I'm impressed that you had the courage to attend the convention despite your feelings. That takes a strength that not all possess.
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Old 05-13-2018, 03:07 PM #3
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Default Re: Why do I do this to myself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Dead Petals View Post
It hurts to feel so alone, especially when surrounded by others. I know well the pain of looking around and feeling like everyone else belongs. I'm impressed that you had the courage to attend the convention despite your feelings. That takes a strength that not all possess.
Thank you for your kind words!

Although I feel more stupid than anything. Before my very first convention, I actually thought it might be a chance to meet people. I should've known better. (Although that time I did meet two people I hung out with that weekend, just didn't form any lasting friendship)
But by now I know that I don't fit in. And I know I can't do photos and I hate that I can't do photos and it makes me wish I was "normal" and could enjoy these things.

Also, I did meet one person at this same convention two years ago that I still meet up with every year but she only makes me feel more insecure. Not good enough.

One more day tomorrow, then going home the day after that. Kind of feel like I've wasted my time here not enjoying the con more and not going to see the city.
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