Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Mental Health Support > Autism and Asperger's Syndrome



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 03-16-2017, 03:16 PM   #1
Member
JacksonWest has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 38
Default Question about Asperger's and dating

I am trying to get some feedback regarding a female that I have hung out with for a few months. I am confused by her. A couple of people have suggested that she may have Asperger’s, so I was trying to get feedback on this site.

In short, here is my version if it helps…

I start hanging out with this female (that works on another part of campus) that seems to be giving me signs. A group of us go out to dinner, she stays behind to ask me for a ride and is extremely nervous and blushing. Her friends start approaching me a lot more and ask about me. One friend even gives me a heads up that this female takes a long time to get comfortable around people. She finds out I go to trivia nights, she starts going. I have a party, she is the last to leave (and is cuddled in my blanket) about a foot away from me on my couch. She asks my coworker about my dating life.

So, I ask her out and she gives me a weird no response that she is in the middle of getting back together with an ex. Naturally, I am a little confused, but whatever. I am mature. I can be friends. I told her no problem and I still enjoy the group activities we have been doing.

The stuff that happens after makes no sense. Three days later, I see her at trivia. She is all in my personal space…all in my personal space. Seems to want my attention and ignores her friend that is there. Her friend actually even seems to pull away to give us time to talk. A week after I asked her out, she texts my friend that she asked about my dating life and wants to know about watching the game. She knows I hang out with him a lot and if he was in town, I would have been with him. She is not friends with this person and barely knows him.

A couple of weeks later, it came up that I was having dinner with my coworkers to celebrate my birthday. So, she invites herself to this, even though she doesn’t really even know these coworkers. My coworkers were naturally uncomfortable and wondering why she is there.

We start watching games in groups (that I started). I invite her to come and bring others…Each time. She never does bring anybody though and it is becoming apparently that it did not work with the ex or it was a lie. We start hanging out quite a bit…. And she starts acting strange. She starts mimicking me. I say I like something, she all of a sudden does too. I have an opinion, she does too. I start talking about looking for a job and she wants input into my decision. One time I had even posted something about planning a trip to Iceland. The next time I see her, she has travel directions to get there, but does so in a very very odd way. I asked her how she knew so much about travel information, she stumbled and said she was thinking about a trip there…So, I have picked up that she watches what I put on there and keeps tabs on me. She is very preoccupied with what my opinions are on things and needs to know this information and suddenly her opinions change to mine.

Over the course of this time, I see this girl get really comfortable and start eating my food off of my plate (without me offering), grabbing gum out of my hand. She bumps into my coworkers and wants to have a girls day with them, which makes them uncomfortable and they decline.

Yet, I see her in public and she avoids me. She wants to keep me away from her coworkers. She never invites them to these things and never brings any of her friends. So, it keeps setting up this situation where she is alone with me. It basically feels like she wants access to my friends, but wants to hide her friends.

As I said, I am fine being friends, but she is treating me oddly. She does things that make it seem like she is being possessive to me, which is enough for my coworkers to think we are dating. I mean, the one time I was with a coworker and she came in about 20 minutes after we had gotten there. She stopped by for a little bit, started eating my basket of fries, then left. I'm not talking one or two, or even a few fries. I mean that we basically just split an order. Usually, when that happens it is because those people are either dating or really good friends. I have to create the group events. She never does, but also never brings her friends.

I am getting uncomfortable now, because here is this girl that I asked out and said no that is no eating my food, mimicking, paying extra attention to what I am doing, trying to hang out with my friends and keeping me away from her friends. In a sense, it now feels like she is starting to stalk me.

The last time I hang out with her, we are alone again. She gets EXTREMELY nervous when one of her coworkers happens to be at the same restaurant. So much that she forgets her coworker’s fiance’s name.

I try to talk to her about this and her behavior, but she shuts me down and makes it seem like I am crazy. But, no friend has ever treated me like this. Any female friend I have had tends to want to play match maker or tease me about a female, not act possessive. I tell her it feels like a one sided friendship. She wants access to everything of mine, but not the other way around. When she is around my coworker, my name comes up. One time I had to go to the parking lot a few blocks away. She freaked out when it was taking longer than she expected. My coworker said she was over the top nervous about me. I live in a very safe area, so there is no need for concern.

So, we stop talking and I stop inviting her to things for a few weeks. Out of nowhere, I get a “work” email from her. This is odd because she never emails me about work and because she is the liaison for a different part of campus and should not be reaching out to me. So, it feels like an excuse. Then, she text me about my trip that I am taking to NYC. Two days later, she restricts me on facebook so I can’t see her stuff, but she can see mine. I am naturally confused, because she is the one that reached out to me and I literally said nothing that could be taken offensive in response to those messages
JacksonWest is offline   Reply With Quote

advertisement
Unread 03-17-2017, 06:49 AM   #2
Member
JacksonWest has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 38
Default Re: Question about Asperger's and dating

any thoughts?
JacksonWest is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-17-2017, 10:55 PM   #3
Member
 
CobolCapsule's Avatar
CobolCapsule has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2016
Location: Dallas
Posts: 263
My Mood:

Default Re: Question about Asperger's and dating

I would have to agree. That is some peculiar behavior, but i couldn't say if she has aspergers or not based on the information you have given. Since you have stopped communicating with her, it really shouldn't matter anymore, unless your still interested. If your still interested try communicating in a very direct manner, and ask her questions about why she is shutting you out from her friends, and being possessive with you. If she has AS than she probably isn't very good a communicating, which leaves it up to you to initiate any communication.

Good luck
__________________
ASD, GAD, ADHD, OCD. BP W/ mixed features

300 mg wellbutrin, 20 mg paroxetine, .75 mg risperidone, 20 mg methylphenidate PRN
CobolCapsule is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-18-2017, 04:52 PM   #4
Member
JacksonWest has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 38
Default Re: Question about Asperger's and dating

I tried getting her to talk, but that seemed to freak her out. She dismissed everything and made me sound like I was crazy.. She kind of blew it off that nothing she did was inappropriate and that I am misreading her. I probably should have listened to my friends/coworkers when they said she was a little off.

I am not interested in dating her anymore. To be honest, I am not even interested in a friendship anymore. I work at the same university, so I am just concerned whether or not I should be scared or not.

Not that I have dated a lot, but I have honestly never seen somebody ask somebody out, get rejected and then have that person text that person's friend...keep asking about him, encroach on his friends/social circle, mimic that person and be so concerned with where that person is going/doing. I am just dumbfounded why she is seeking out my friends. It is not like she was friends with them before this.
JacksonWest is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-19-2017, 01:56 PM   #5
Member
 
CobolCapsule's Avatar
CobolCapsule has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2016
Location: Dallas
Posts: 263
My Mood:

Default Re: Question about Asperger's and dating

Quote:
Originally Posted by JacksonWest View Post
I tried getting her to talk, but that seemed to freak her out. She dismissed everything and made me sound like I was crazy.. She kind of blew it off that nothing she did was inappropriate and that I am misreading her. I probably should have listened to my friends/coworkers when they said she was a little off.

I am not interested in dating her anymore. To be honest, I am not even interested in a friendship anymore. I work at the same university, so I am just concerned whether or not I should be scared or not.

Not that I have dated a lot, but I have honestly never seen somebody ask somebody out, get rejected and then have that person text that person's friend...keep asking about him, encroach on his friends/social circle, mimic that person and be so concerned with where that person is going/doing. I am just dumbfounded why she is seeking out my friends. It is not like she was friends with them before this.
She could be obsessed with you, and seems to have a strange way of showing it. I would say she is probably harmless though. I wouldn't worry if i were you.
__________________
ASD, GAD, ADHD, OCD. BP W/ mixed features

300 mg wellbutrin, 20 mg paroxetine, .75 mg risperidone, 20 mg methylphenidate PRN
CobolCapsule is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp

Helplines and Lifelines