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Old 12-07-2018, 05:42 AM   #1
lucymae1
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I was neglected as a child. My father was a raging drunk and my step mother was only 21 when they married. She did not have motherly instincts so I never bonded with her. To this day a lot of anxiety comes up even when I leave my dog to go somewhere. There are many times I've had to call in sick to work because I could not leave my dog. When my boyfriend's long work shifts are coming up I can get into a depression. I also have Bipolar 2 and PTSD. I am getting better as I am finally on the right meds which help a great deal. I am doing all I can to help myself including seeing a therpist. I try to analyze my fear and say what is going to happen if I go to work? My dog's fine. Sometimes I can push myself and sometimes I can't. Yesterday I had to call in sick. I am on SSDI trying to work through all this stuff. Trying to get back into the working world on a steady part time basis. I don't remember my birth mother so probably no bonding there either. I'm grateful that my boyfriend is supportive. I know he understands because I think he has some attachment disorders also and also had verbal and emotional abuse from his dad. His mom was around and loving but she did not stop the abuse. I spoke with her a few weeks ago and she has guilt around this. I told her she did the best she could as she was emotionally and verbally abused also. I'm afraid to death of women authority figures like my boss. Next week I have a review with her and I admit I'm scared as she has been rude with me at times even though I have not done anything wrong. I have to remember this is her issue and it's not about me. Who knows what's going on in her life or what she's been through. I know people can sense when you have low self esteem and will stomp on you. I taught my boss how to do this with me because I've allowed it. My goal on my review is to not let this happen. I deserve to be treated with respect. I know I have done a great job with my clients and yes I've cancelled two shifts in a 4 month period. Regardless I will be treated with respect. We are all WORTHY AND WE MATTER!!!!! We have to be our own advocates for ourselves sometimes.
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Old 12-07-2018, 06:15 AM   #2
MickeyCheeky
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I'm so sorry you're struggling, lucymae1 But I'm so glad things are improving in your life. Now you have a boyfriend, a job, and an healthy life. You're absolutely right when you say that we're worthy and we matter! Just keep trying your best. Take baby steps and things will surely improve. Be proud of yourself. Keep it up and don't give up! You can do it. I hope you'll see a therapist soon. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 12-07-2018, 06:52 AM   #3
lucymae1
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Thank you Mickey!!!!
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