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Old 10-18-2018, 10:27 PM #1
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Default Attachment with friends

i have a difficult time attaching to friends.
i tend to assume that each friendship will be like my first relationship which was with my parents
it was bad
therefore im always on guard for the slightest sign of dislike or betrayal
what can I do to have regular, calm friendships?
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Old 10-26-2018, 05:28 AM #2
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Default Re: Attachment with friends

The relationship with our parents can affect our whole life. I think it's long and complicated and probably requires professional help... do you see a therapist?
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Old 10-26-2018, 06:07 AM #3
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Default Re: Attachment with friends

My attachment issues are a two way street, however it seems ppl become a lot more attached to me than me to them. I recently met a transgender man who was drawn to me like a moth to flame. I only knew them for a few hours when they asked me to send a friend request on fb. This person is lovely and although by nature I like being left in my own head space especially at work, this person insists they bring me out of my head by constantly talking to me and wanting to hang out after work. I tried getting together with them so I can put that to bed so i can go awhile without having to make together plans. I'm grateful for knowing this person although it seems they want to form a fast personal connection with someone who isnt v social or outgoing. My whole has been this way, ppl thinking we are bff without knowing much about me.

I do attach myself to some ppl, mostly ppl who most wouldn't. I usually fall hard for a certain type of person and end up with regrets. I can easily detach from Ppl though I'm quite skilled at controlling my emotions or suppressing them altogether. Detaching from ppl and circumstances has been something I've mastered from early age, I think this is why I dont behave as if I care about loss as much as the next person. Loss is something I'm familiar with , attachment is something I can do or not without much effort. The lest amount of friendships I develop with ppl, the more time I have to myself. I know a lot of ppl however choose to only have a few friends. Maintaining a real friendship is work I take it seriously however only with a few. My favorite are ones I can go no contact with for a long time and things remains exactly the same. These friendships are rare though however I seek out this type purposely.
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Old 10-30-2018, 07:27 AM #4
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Default Re: Attachment with friends

I don't have many friends- do I get attached to people?

well.... I suppose I fear abandonment more than anything else

like.. when someone is going away for the weekend say, or to spend time at someone else's place, I won't let them go- andI find it really hard to accept it, because I think they might leave me- or get hurt by who ever they are going to see

and when I finally let them go it's so hard

it's like I feel so guilty for doing it
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Old 10-30-2018, 07:28 AM #5
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Default Re: Attachment with friends

most times they don't come back either, so I have my reasons for feeling how I feel..
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Old 11-02-2018, 04:34 PM #6
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Default Re: Attachment with friends

This is hard for me as well. I rarely get "attached" to anyone, so when I do get "attached," it's a very fearful experience.
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