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Old 03-09-2018, 02:12 PM   #1
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Confused Attachment to authority figures


I grew up with my mother (my father left when I was around 2 years old), it was a pretty normal childhood as far as I know, I don’t really remember much before I was like 10/11. Anyway, since I was around 14 years old I had become quite attached, some may even say obsessed, with people who I see as an authority figure. It started with a security guard in his late twenties when I was 14. I would hang around where he worked so that he would see me, I would walk certain routes so that I would bump into him and I would do this almost every night. He was on my mind every day and I am not even sure if it was in a sexual way, I was more focused on what I could do to get his attention. It then happened with a few of my male teachers for a while as I stalked the corridors wanting to walk past them so they could see me, I wanted so bad to talk to them about my personal life and become involved in theirs (which I did do). I would fake being upset and in a bad mood just to have those specific male teachers ask “whats wrong?”. To me it seems like it is all centred around the statement “whats wrong?”, I love when people (who aren’t my family or close friends) ask me that, I will always say nothing is wrong (even if there is) just so they will push further (idk why). So basically I haven’t been “obsessed” with anyone for like 5 months now until yesterday. I was in a very awful mood yesterday and I came to work (I tried to fake smiles but obviousy it wasn’t good enough) so female in an authorities role where I work and live noticed my sour mood and asked me ‘whats wrong?’ and I said I was fine because I honestly didn’t want to bother her with my stupid problems but she kept pushing asking what was wrong. When she left I instantly felt the switch flip, how I thought and felt about her completely changed. Today I hung around while she was working (and I wasn’t) just because I wanted to be around her, I made up many excuses just to come into the room she was in and I instantly knew this was happening again. what I don’t understand is why. I mean I always thought it had something to do with having daddy issues but now that this one is female I am quite baffled.

Anyone who knows what this could be categorized as or why I might be like this please let me know.

P.S. I am starting CBT in a few weeks for anxiety so I don’t know if this is something worth mentioning or not, what do you think?
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Old 03-10-2018, 02:37 PM   #2
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Hello cat: Well... I'm certainly no expert when it comes to things like this. However, what occurs to me is that authority is authority whether it comes in the form of a male or a female. I suppose this could all stem from not having had your father around. However that is something I think you would need to delve into with the help of a mental health therapist or psychologist.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here's a link to an "Ask the Therapist" column, from PsychCentral's archives, where a person wrote in asking about their attention seeking from authority figures:

And then, in keeping with the therapist's reply, here are links to some articles on the subject of how to build self-esteem:

In keeping with the idea that your "obsession" with authority figures stems from the loss of your father, one forum here on PC which may be of interest would be the childhood emotional neglect forum:

But, of course, there are many others as well.

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to continue posting. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!
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Old 03-16-2018, 12:05 AM   #3
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Default Re: Attachment to authority figures

I definitely have something like this and I wish I could word it more better for some of my doctors. I've talked to my therapist about this a lot, but I'm shy around the doctors I only see less often. But I definitely have this and im not sure what exactly it's called or if it is called anything, but in borderline personality disorder one could develop these kind of relationships or obsessions with people. Often times it's coupled with severe anxiety about being rejected if things start to go sour in the relationship. On the co tarry, one could get more and more "high" from every encounter which feels like this "too good to be true" feeling which could lead to paranoia about the relationship. This is just what I've kinda been through and read over.
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Old 03-29-2018, 10:44 AM   #4
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Default Re: Attachment to authority figures

I absolutely am on the same page. I do the same, and actually have an instant need to be domicile around authority - and new people I meet I put in the all or nothing category, they are either super important and I need their attention, or I hate them (If they reject me). I need help with this as well.
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