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Unread 03-30-2017, 03:53 PM   #1
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Default Mom deprived

First of all I should apologize in advance if this is bit too long, however I do believe in including as many details as possible for what I am about to share.

Starting with the basics I am in my mid 20s, I didn't live with my parents from age 3-10, because they lived in a very small area with barely any schools and educational opportunities, therefore I lived with my aunt. In those 7 years my parents would come to meet me once or so a year. Maybe a phone call every few months kept us in somewhat of a touch. Heck I don't even think I have too many memories if any at all from those days of my parents.

Finally few short months before I turned 11 my parents moved to The States for better opportunities and I moved with them. I thought I was the happiest person in the world to finally have my parents. I didn't realize it was all a illusion, because they started working so much I never got to see them at home. I started looking for that gap in other adults at school. Sometimes I would try to consider a teacher or a counselor or someone at the school as my parent. But that was always temporary. During my high school years I tried to commit suicide I think about 4 times. They were not present for my prom, homecoming, graduation or anything of importance. I think teaching me how to drive and buying my car was probably one of the only involvement they had in someway. It was always about materialistic things.

Somehow I made it through all these years and accepted that I could never be daddy's little girl or mommy's princess. I don't know why not having a relationship my dad hasn't impacted me as much as not having a mother figure. Most girls love shopping, I on the other hand hate it because I hate seeing girls shopping with their moms and I have no one. Not having anyone to talk to about boys or crushes has been rough. Sometimes just wanting to go hug someone has probably been the roughest. I hate it when I see instagram posts from some of my coworkers of screenshot of their "I love you mom/I love you more baby" conversations with their daughters. I hate it, it breaks my heart more than I can put into words.

So in the last few years I have started doing something that would kind of make me feel at ease a little. So let's say I watch a movie or a television show and I see a scene that had some kind of a "nurture/affection or just a mother/daughter talk" I would watch that repeatedly and try to picture myself as that girl. Some days it would make me cry, other days I smile a little knowing that for those few seconds I visioned myself as having a mom.

I thought about wanting to talk to other relatives and all but they themselves are so weird and strange, diplomatic and double standard that it wouldn't be anything better than not having a mom. I know I am 20 some year old but sometimes I wish I had someone to just tell me they loved me or that I mattered to them. I wish someone would just take me under wing as their own and love me like their own.

I just don't know what to do or who to turn to.
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Unread 03-31-2017, 05:31 AM   #2
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Default Re: Mom deprived

I can relate with this. I'm a 25 year old male, yet I don't feel like I had the chance to develop into a man. I often crave love from a mother figure or relatives, but unfortunately, I have hardly any family left anymore.

Every time I'm out in public and I see a mother give her children affection, I envy the children and seethe with anger and resentment because I want what they have; a loving mother.

I can't even watch a TV show or movie about romance or families because I find them depressing.

In fact, on Valentine's day, I almost got kicked out of Walmart for lashing out at an attractive woman all because she was selling some stupid dish TV service which was annoying in it's own right, but the fact that she was a woman and I crave love from them and seeing all the Valentine's day merchandise and all of the happy couples shopping made me feel sad and angry.

Yet despite my issues with women, it is clear that I don't want a girlfriend; I want a mother.
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Unread 03-31-2017, 09:58 AM   #3
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Default Re: Mom deprived

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Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
I can relate with this. I'm a 25 year old male, yet I don't feel like I had the chance to develop into a man. I often crave love from a mother figure or relatives, but unfortunately, I have hardly any family left anymore.

Every time I'm out in public and I see a mother give her children affection, I envy the children and seethe with anger and resentment because I want what they have; a loving mother.

I can't even watch a TV show or movie about romance or families because I find them depressing.

In fact, on Valentine's day, I almost got kicked out of Walmart for lashing out at an attractive woman all because she was selling some stupid dish TV service which was annoying in it's own right, but the fact that she was a woman and I crave love from them and seeing all the Valentine's day merchandise and all of the happy couples shopping made me feel sad and angry.

Yet despite my issues with women, it is clear that I don't want a girlfriend; I want a mother.
I am so sorry to hear that. Reading everything you said is something I connect to very well. I guess the Tv/Movies part for me is bit reassuring or motivating because that helps me shape myself to be hopefully a good mom some day. And for now it helps just closing my eyes and thinking that little glimpse of the story was about me.

I can totally see how this would impact your relationship with women in general. Sometimes I feel so drawn to older woman that I am sure few of my friends probably doubt my sexual orientation but I wish people would understand it's never been romantic. For me it was always just the need and want of a mom. That's all. Just a mom.
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Unread 03-31-2017, 10:15 PM   #4
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Default Re: Mom deprived

Yeah, same here with older women. It's weird, because even though I dislike children and don't want any of my own in the foreseeable future, every woman that I have ever developed any kind of feelings for was a woman at least 5-10 years older than me who either is a mother or has cared for a child at one point.

In fact, the first woman that I truly fell in love with I met at a psyche word believe it or not lol. I was locked up for being so fed up with my family that I had thoughts of killing them in their sleep; I was that messed up lol. Anyways, I met the sweetest lady that I ever met anywhere who was there because her boyfriend was an abusive pile of trash and she was depressed and had other issues. I comforted her when she was crying when she was first admitted and we clicked from there and the staff kept getting onto us for holding hands and hugging and stuff, not that I cared about their stupid rules haha

We exchanged numbers and stayed in contact for awhile outside of the psyche ward and even though she turned me down because of our age difference (she was 31 and I was 22 at the time), I still truly loved her. I later found out that she became successful with doing some freelance marketing selling this company's health products; a company that I tried to sell for and failed due to my own issues. In fact, I am the one who suggested she should work for herself because she had trouble functioning with a regular job much like most of us with MI. I miss her and I am proud of her.

So yeah, I guess what you said about wanting a mother makes since considering a lot of the women I fall in love with I do so without wanting to involve sex all that much. It seems like I desire an emotional connection above all else.
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Unread 04-01-2017, 10:01 AM   #5
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Default Re: Mom deprived

hi there
i too grew up with an emotionally absent father and mother, my mother was very depressed, and i used to envy my best friend whose mother would kiss her and hug her before we walked to school together...i was even attached to teacher's or any older person like you because like you said you don't get from your own parents, so you wil tend to seek it elsewehre. ... i struggled with this all my life, sadly lost my mom at the age of 16.

one suggestion i can give you is write a letter to your parents, explaining how you feel and if you don't feel comfortable sending it to them, than write it to yourself, writing you thoughts down on paper can be very theraputic.

in the end the one person who can really give us that love, is OURSELVES....something i am still struggling with and i am in my mid 40's.
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Unread 04-01-2017, 01:21 PM   #6
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hi there
i too grew up with an emotionally absent father and mother, my mother was very depressed, and i used to envy my best friend whose mother would kiss her and hug her before we walked to school together...i was even attached to teacher's or any older person like you because like you said you don't get from your own parents, so you wil tend to seek it elsewehre. ... i struggled with this all my life, sadly lost my mom at the age of 16.

one suggestion i can give you is write a letter to your parents, explaining how you feel and if you don't feel comfortable sending it to them, than write it to yourself, writing you thoughts down on paper can be very theraputic.

in the end the one person who can really give us that love, is OURSELVES....something i am still struggling with and i am in my mid 40's.
so when I was in my teens I was in counseling through school and at one point a counselor would come to our house and sit down and talk to my parents and I both. Anyways so during those years rather than even writing letters I was able to say it so flat out to them as to what I felt, I even wrote letters at times but anyways I was never successful in getting across what I wanted to
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Unread 04-01-2017, 04:45 PM   #7
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hi gothope
i had a hard time communication with my dad verbally, he would always get his defenses up still does to this day, so i had to resort to writing letters to him, not sure if it made any difference to him or not but at least it helped me get my feelings out rather than holding them all in.
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Unread 04-01-2017, 06:11 PM   #8
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hi gothope
i had a hard time communication with my dad verbally, he would always get his defenses up still does to this day, so i had to resort to writing letters to him, not sure if it made any difference to him or not but at least it helped me get my feelings out rather than holding them all in.
There was some time ago (few years ago) Where i would write letters to myself one day as the daughter and the next day as mom. I don't know how much it helped but it was something. Now on a normal basis I love writing so I have a journal I keep and write in there from time to time.
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Unread 04-05-2017, 09:02 AM   #9
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Default Re: Mom deprived

Hey gothope, I relate to this struggle.

Missing a mother's consistent care and love through childhood is a really difficult thing to experience. It has a profound impact on our lives from a time when we were helpless, yet the past cannot be changed.

People need a loving energy in their life to help them feel understood, seen, safe and wanted. Everybody always continuously needs this, just as adults there's options beyond our parents that can provide it. Personally what I'm trying to do to is to tune into the ways that the people around me provide different parts of this feeling all the time.
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Unread 04-05-2017, 09:52 PM   #10
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Hey gothope, I relate to this struggle.

Missing a mother's consistent care and love through childhood is a really difficult thing to experience. It has a profound impact on our lives from a time when we were helpless, yet the past cannot be changed.

People need a loving energy in their life to help them feel understood, seen, safe and wanted. Everybody always continuously needs this, just as adults there's options beyond our parents that can provide it. Personally what I'm trying to do to is to tune into the ways that the people around me provide different parts of this feeling all the time.
If you don't mind me asking what ways are you exploring on filling this kind of gap. Because I am tired of looking up to someone that can fill that kind of gap in my life and then finally gathering up the courage to tell them about it. And then eventually they play that role for few days, maybe couple of weeks and than somehow and in someways they leave me hanging and I am more hurt than before.
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