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Unread 07-26-2017, 12:49 PM   #11
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TheLeifK has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1
2 yr Member
Default Re: I'm new; never been in love

Just had to respond to this OP and thank you for posting. I'm mid-40s, never been in love, don't expect I ever will be. I like some people in my life a lot, and some less, but never that all consuming thing, though I did get crushes as a younger person. But they were more obsession than love. I don't get the obsession with sex that the culture promotes, to me it seems an entirely strange thing to devote so much time to.

It wasn't until my mid-to-late 30s that I realized that i just did not have to date or have sex ever again if I didn't want. And I don't want.

Completely relate to having a mother who blamed me for rejecting her as a baby, with all the side personality disorders as well.

I also do not nourish friendships and tend to let them drift because I don't get lonely or miss them. They are just a text away or in my head. Now with facebook, there is barely a reason to catch up, all of their lives are on display.

I feel pretty happy and fulfilled alone and thankful that I live in a time when I can choose not to marry and have kids, but from time to time, I do still feel bad because I'm just so weird. Nobody likes to be the weird outsider and who in the world will I depend on when I'm old and frail?

But otherwise, even though a lot of people have pressured me to align to cultural norms (including one friend who is still trying to set me up on dates even though she knows I identify as asexual. I wonder what she expects those poor guys to do? Be celibate forever just to date me? I'm not that great!) I feel like I have finally gotten to a place in my life where I'm free to be me. Or find out who I am. Like the OP, the first 20 yrs of my life were enough hurt, drama, and chaos for a lifetime. The next 20 were me as a square peg trying to fit into the round hole of society. I hope the next 20 will be the peace I create and I have faith that these will be the best 20 yet. But yes, it will be very sparsely populated with humans (but very populated with animal friends.)
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