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Old 06-13-2018, 10:35 AM   #1
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Default Experiencing extreme anxiety and anger

Hey, hello. I am out of options, so thought I would rant about my current state of mind.

I am extremely anxious and very angry at the moment. On one hand, I want to drive to the county clinic and give them a piece of my unstable mind. Problem is that I am going out of my mind at the moment and if I were to go down there, I would probably get locked up in a hospital. I can't afford to do that, literally on multiple fronts.

I have patiently/ impatiently waited 7 weeks to get REAL help, a full diagnosis, real treatment through the County system, which is the only sliding scale help I can find financially.

I go to a local support group, I am doing everything I have been told to do.
My doc put me on Lexapro 10mg, initially, May 11 for GAD and MDD. My other disorders are numerous, perhaps self diagnosed, but not sure. I know it, it is just getting the "official" diagnosis from a real doctor that I am looking for. Anyhow, because I was having bad reactions to the Lexapro, the doc took me off---COLD TURKEY 25 days in.


She did not immediately try another med to replace the Lexapro, and thus, I have been in living HELL ever since, with my mental states all over the place. I have to wait another 4 weeks for the next appointment. I keep calling the med nurse (who seems to be the ONLY ONE who seems to give a s***). They put me on a "priority" list, meaning that if someone cancels I have a chance to get in. I am SOOOOOOOOOO tired of waiting!!!!!

I have been all over the depression spectrum, and literally goind out of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I can do NOTHING about it. I have no money, now no job, like I haven't been able to work since all this stuff went down Apr 24. I was advised I needed a less stress job. Okay, so I started looking, thinking my career was over, for lack of getting control over my mind the past few years. I blame myself. No one put a gun to my head to be like this. I have no one to blame but myself, because I cannot control.

So I FINALLY reach out....they say WAIT. I thought getting on the med would help me to find progress. I found a less stress job. I might be able to start in about a couple weeks, pending background and all. I am clean----unless they call my former employers and they bad mouth me. I wouldn't blame them. I really burned some bridges, unintentionally. I job hopped in hopes that I would not get fired for my "conditions". I see that.

Bottom line, since being taken off that med last week, I am back at square one, and not only dealing with the horrible symptoms of not taking it, but also the lack of service and REAL treatment. I have 2-3 weeks to get my S*** together. I cannot literally afford to jeopardize.

Such crap, I reach out, I get NOTTHING. What can I do, NO MONEY to pay, just go out of my mind and stuff this S*** in the background again and hide it all from people until something happen????

I am in so much fear that I will totally LOSE IT if I start this job without a shredd of hope that I am making ANY kind of progress???!?!?!!?!?

Sorry, so long, but I had to get it out. I know that this is also part of the Lexapro withdrawal, but on the other hand, my mind doesn't give a crap about that. I am so lost and out of self-control. I am imploding and nobody cares enough. There are worse affected people out there besides me, so Why should I get any prefferential treatment, right????????? I just want somebody to help me make some progress.

I may have screwed up, I don't care, but I had like 4 pills left and I took 1 a little bit ago, after not taking any for the past several days when the doc took me off. I would like to just go get drunk or something to just get my mind to shut up! I can't do that.

Sorry again. DOES ANYONE ON HERE HAVE SOME REAL TANGIBLE ADVICE ON HOW TO GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that I am not the only one who is going through this, but it REALLY feels like it.

Helpless, hopeless, what's the point??????
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Old 06-13-2018, 01:54 PM   #2
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Default Re: Experiencing extreme anxiety and anger

Are there any refills on the lexapro? If so put yourself back on the 10 mg dose until you feel more stable then titrate down from there. Maybe a week at 7.5 mg, a week at 5 mg, a week at 2.5 mg. You could even try 5 days each.
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Old 06-13-2018, 03:37 PM   #3
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Default Re: Experiencing extreme anxiety and anger

Hi Deejay, thanks for the advice. I don't think so.
It did calm me down a little earlier when I took that pill. I am scared of the consequences of doing that, though.
Yeah, I think there is a refill on it. Not sure I really want to fill it though. I was in an extreme moment this morning. I guess I will just take it on a day by day basis, whether I do this again.
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:47 AM   #4
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Default Re: Experiencing extreme anxiety and anger

Update since this original post....

I do get to start up this new job on Monday *eek!* I am very nervous and excited at the same time.

My county case manager called me and I explained to her why I called and didn't leave message twice the other day when I was having the extreme behavior. I don't know how, but she made it happen so that I could get "worked" in that same day. I guess it was Thursday.

The nurse practitioner now suspects Bi-Polar, based on the symptoms I had while taking and after coming off the Lexapro. She doesn't want to change the official diagnosis until we visit a couple more times, I guess. She started me on Gabapentin? (Neurontin) to help with the anxiety, insomnia, and is supposedly a starter associated with mood stabilization "off label" for bi-polar. No other med, as she wants to see how it affects me. She started me on the lower dose of 100mg.

So, I have taken this med 2 nights so far. The side effects and reviews that I researched on this new med states that most folks have issues with feeling drowsy, and dragging. not me, apparently. If anything, it did not really do much either night.

I will say this, and it bothers me a little, because it is not a common side effect. yesterday am when I woke up, I found myself VERY anxious and within an hour, I just couldn't sit still any longer. I figured I would go shop for a couple new blouses for this new job. I went to the mall, of all places. I really don't like going to the mall. I don't like the crowds, but I went early in the am. I then experienced a full-blown MANIA episode, I know it now.

I now know what that feels like now, and frankly, at the time I was actually enjoying it and scared at the same time. I tell you what, I clocked a full days worth of steps in like 3 hours (10,093 according to Samsung Health), found a perfume fragrance that I could never afford at the moment, but was REALLY feeling like...I HAVE TO HAVE THIS STUFF and it took everything I had to not impulsively buy it on my card. I became temporarily, like obsessed with it. WEIRD.


Then, after 4 hours I had completely worn myself out and started to crash. All I wanted to do was go home and crash. I became slightly agitated, but kept my cool.


I took my 2nd dose last night, and yet, still so wired up and exhausted at the same time, I couldn't fall asleep and this morning, up at 530a....I am going today with probably 4 or 4.5 hours sleep. This morning I just feel like I didn't sleep. My eyes hurt. I am concerned.


So was the mania induced by a first time low dose of this stuff, or did it just activate or boost an already existing hypomanic mixed episode that the doc seems to think??
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Old 06-16-2018, 01:25 PM   #5
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Default Re: Experiencing extreme anxiety and anger

If you're bipolar the gabapentin may not be enough, or at a high enough dose, to counter your symptoms.

I'm at 1200mg now (400 x 3) for anxiety, and it didn't do anything for my bipolar.
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