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Old 01-07-2018, 06:51 PM   #1
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Default Fear of my child dying - Intrusive Thoughts, anxiety

I think pretty much every parentís worse fear is something happening to their child. I know I will never rid myself of that fear, but Iím struggling with it these days.

I have one child, an 18 month old daughter. After I gave birth I developed a really bad fear she would die from SIDS. I got a breathing monitor and it really helped until she was older and past the SIDS danger zones.

I donít let my fear get in the way of living our lives, I let her go to daycare, I let my mom babysit her etc. But those intrusive thoughts come into my mind numerous times a day where I worry about having to live my life without her in it. What if we get in a car accident? What if my mom is taking care of her and she takes off and gets hit by a car. Sometimes the thoughts just pop in when Iím driving and I visualize (in my mind) her running out on the road and getting hit by a car. Itís not minor things I worry about, itís death. I have always struggled with a fear of death-for both myself and those I love. I used to have the same fears with my dog and had the same intrusive thoughts. Aside from anxiety, I have boarderline personality disorder and I think itís part of the fear of abandonment or something. I have asked it in here as it feels more like anxiety.

I am not on medication anymore and I donít see a therapist right now. I need to get this under control though. My mom wants to take my daughter one day during the week to visit my brotherís family and itís a lot of freeway driving to get there. Why does my brain instantly go to them getting in a catastrophic accident? Or my daughter running off and my mom not being able to catch her. If I heard someone else worrying like this Iíd think they are crazy.

Are there any books or resources on this? Anyone have any techniques in how to deal with it? I try to recognize the thoughts, name them and say how they are making me feel. But it just doesnít seem to get better.

Thank you
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Old 01-08-2018, 01:29 PM   #2
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Smile Re: Fear of my child dying - Intrusive Thoughts, anxiety

I'm sorry you are struggling with these difficult thoughts. I can't be of any help with regard to books. However, here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of interest:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-ways-to-stop-obsessing/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-ways...tuck-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/some-i...top-obsessing/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...iety-symptoms/

Family therapist, Kati Morton, has a video on her YouTube channel on the topic of intrusive thoughts. Perhaps there is something in this video that can be of help as well. Here's a link:

https://youtu.be/Mz7xVjo57ik

There is also a practice that is referred to as "compassionate abiding" that may be of some benefit. Here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

Best wishes...
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Old 01-08-2018, 03:00 PM   #3
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Default Re: Fear of my child dying - Intrusive Thoughts, anxiety

I think it's a common fear amped up. I have had many times when this came up about either my daughter or my husband. What will I do if this happened? Catastrophic thinking abounds...

Surprisingly enough, I just follow the whole scenario through...what I would do afterwards, how would I feel, etc. After enough times of doing this I don't feel as anxious. I know what I would do, and it's okay. I feel I'm prepared enough (though one never really is) and I can handle it with help.

You may want to explore this with a therapist.
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Old 01-09-2018, 10:55 AM   #4
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Default Re: Fear of my child dying - Intrusive Thoughts, anxiety

My children are grown adults now but I still experience vivid intrusive thoughts about their safety. When I say vivid I mean horrific. I also regularly get dreams of the same. When my son lived several neighbourhoods over, anytime I heard sirens I had a vivid picture in my head of something awful happening to him and held vigil over the phone just in case.

It took the YBOCS checklist of obsessive compulsive thinking and there are statements pertaining to this - which surprised me as I pretty much assumed OCD was about cleanliness, and order before then.

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&sourc...9c3JWbwpki2jKf
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Old 01-13-2018, 08:36 PM   #5
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Default Re: Fear of my child dying - Intrusive Thoughts, anxiety

Thank you for your replies. Sorry it took me so long to say thanks - life is hectic these days. I really appreciate you guys taking the time to reply and for putting those links.
Thanks again (can you tell Iím Canadian..lol)
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