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Old 03-24-2019, 11:56 PM #1
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Default Help with thought-stopping?

My thoughts have been obsessive ever since it happened.

Ironically on his birthday, my husband was forced out of his job after twelve years of working there. It was partially, not totally, his fault. He acknowledges his part in it, but from everything I can see, it was a gross overreaction by management. He deserved a write-up. He did not deserve to be forced to resign.

I am unable to work. His income has until now been too much for me to qualify for SSI benefits, and probably still would be at this point since if I'm correct they look at your income for the past several months to make their determination. So, all financial management in the household is his doing. Thank God he's good at it. He had money saved up and says he could actually stay unemployed for up to two years, and we'd be all right. Not that he's planning to do that. He's already looking, and he's had one major interview that he is waiting for word on. He is 99% sure he will get that job.

But that 1% is eating me up.

He's in his mid-fifties. Employers are not supposed to discriminate based on age, but of course they do. They just don't admit it. They'll say it's something else, when really it's age. What if, when this prospective new employer does call him back, they're not interested in him after all? What if nobody else hires him, because they all want younger workers? What if he doesn't learn his lesson, since he can be boneheaded sometimes, and makes the same mistake again at his new job?

Aaah, my stomach.

I can *act* properly. I can practice self-care, go out and do things, use DBT "please" skills, etc. I'm trying to hold myself together because he doesn't need me falling apart right now. I can say and do the right things. But I can't seem to control the thoughts. How do I do that?
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Old 03-25-2019, 03:27 AM #2
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Default Re: Help with thought-stopping?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
My thoughts have been obsessive ever since it happened.

Ironically on his birthday, my husband was forced out of his job after twelve years of working there. It was partially, not totally, his fault. He acknowledges his part in it, but from everything I can see, it was a gross overreaction by management. He deserved a write-up. He did not deserve to be forced to resign.

I am unable to work. His income has until now been too much for me to qualify for SSI benefits, and probably still would be at this point since if I'm correct they look at your income for the past several months to make their determination. So, all financial management in the household is his doing. Thank God he's good at it. He had money saved up and says he could actually stay unemployed for up to two years, and we'd be all right. Not that he's planning to do that. He's already looking, and he's had one major interview that he is waiting for word on. He is 99% sure he will get that job.

But that 1% is eating me up.

He's in his mid-fifties. Employers are not supposed to discriminate based on age, but of course they do. They just don't admit it. They'll say it's something else, when really it's age. What if, when this prospective new employer does call him back, they're not interested in him after all? What if nobody else hires him, because they all want younger workers? What if he doesn't learn his lesson, since he can be boneheaded sometimes, and makes the same mistake again at his new job?

Aaah, my stomach.

I can *act* properly. I can practice self-care, go out and do things, use DBT "please" skills, etc. I'm trying to hold myself together because he doesn't need me falling apart right now. I can say and do the right things. But I can't seem to control the thoughts. How do I do that?
Been through almost the exact same thing. Even though we had money in savings when we were unemployed, I made the mistake of stopping going to my psychiatrist because it is only natural to focus on saving money. If you usually go to a T or Psych to manage your condition, I recommend not scrimping on this given what you are saying.

Though I do not think the economy is as good as the claims, if you have skills, there are jobs. I do not see age discrimination in contract and temporary jobs (Jobs where the employer doesn't provide benefits) but I do think it exists in the jobs that have benefits. My H has a contract job through a recruiter. The benefits provided suck, so we don't use the insurance, etc. but it is a good paying job.

Uncertainty can really get anxiety going. Practice a lot of self care (sleep, exercise, healthy distractions like watching a funny movie, getting outside....)
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Old 03-25-2019, 01:31 PM #3
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Default Re: Help with thought-stopping?

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Arbie I understand what you mean. Obsessive thoughts and self-doubts can definitely bring someone down. It's understandable you'd feel this way since it's not an easy situation to go through. I completely agree with what Nowinners has already wisely said better than I ever could. I'd suggest to listen to her if you can and want. She always has lots of great advice! Take good care of yourself, try to find as many distractions as you can, try to apply all the coping techniques that you know of. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Please don't give up. Stay strong. You've got this. Stay safe and take good care of yourself. You're a strong, wonderful person! You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! I believe in you! We all believe in you! We're all rooting for you! Keep fighting! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Arbie. Please don't give up. Try to hang on. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. Just try to do your best. That's all you can do after all. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. You don't deserve to suffer at all
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