I dont understand my kids they wont help me - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 03-11-2019, 08:35 PM #1
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Default I dont understand my kids they wont help me

I have two children when I moved out of my house 8 years ago and into my apt they promised me they would help me.Except for my son taking me to the doctors a few times they just dont want to help me with anything.I was told if and when I moved they would help me with things no they dont.They are always to busy .I feel like they dont love me at all,I hardly never asks for a thing but when I was moving they told me where I going to live I could do the samething here as I did in my house.That is not true.They made promises like they would help me with my laundry and stuff ha.What a joke.I understand they are busy but I was always there for them when they were kids.My friend has the same problem.I feel like the only time they really need me is when they need something.So I have no family to talk to about my anxieties and stuff.Actually my kids have made fun of me and my mental illness oh sure I laugh in front of them but deep down inside my feelings are hurt.I would do anything for my kids and grandchildren if I could.Why must I feel like an outsider? Sometimes when they come and visit with me they tend to whisper in front of me which makes me feel very uncomfortable. You got to know they are talking about me.I love them all very much but why do I have to even email them first before they even talk to me?I just want some help sometimes not to often and I dont ever asks because I know what the answer will be to busy.I have nobody to talk to.Why does our kids have to treat us like we are nothing to them? I never did anything to them.
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Old 03-12-2019, 03:16 AM #2
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Default Re: I dont understand my kids they wont help me

What is it that you do for you kids when you say they only contact you when they need something?
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Old 03-12-2019, 04:49 AM #3
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Default Re: I dont understand my kids they wont help me

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What is it that you do for you kids when you say they only contact you when they need something?
Like when they needed money and they both work.I have given them money to built a porch and so they could pay there bills.I wont do it anymore I cannot anyway.
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Old 03-12-2019, 05:53 AM #4
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Default Re: I dont understand my kids they wont help me

I would help you if i could . im sorry your children are not helping or supporting you especially when they said that they would .
My family don't understand my mental health at all and its very frustrating . sometimes i want them to live in my shoes for 24 hours so they could get some insight .
Its funny because everyone always puts these quotes up on social media trying to support mental health but when you directly go to that person for help its a different story .
My mum would text me " how are you ? "
I would lie and say i was ok . but then i started to get honest for a while and reply " depressed". What was her response ? " why are you telling me this for ? Theres nothing i can do ! Seriously what do you expect me to do !!!! " DONT ****ING ASK ME HOW I AM IF YOU DONT WANT THE ****ING TRUTH AND DONT PRETEND TO CARE IF YOU DONT GIVE A **** . that's what what I wish i said to her but instead i said nothing .
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Old 03-12-2019, 04:40 PM #5
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Default Re: I dont understand my kids they wont help me

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Originally Posted by cryingontheinside View Post
I would help you if i could . im sorry your children are not helping or supporting you especially when they said that they would .
My family don't understand my mental health at all and its very frustrating . sometimes i want them to live in my shoes for 24 hours so they could get some insight .
Its funny because everyone always puts these quotes up on social media trying to support mental health but when you directly go to that person for help its a different story .
My mum would text me " how are you ? "
I would lie and say i was ok . but then i started to get honest for a while and reply " depressed". What was her response ? " why are you telling me this for ? Theres nothing i can do ! Seriously what do you expect me to do !!!! " DONT ****ING ASK ME HOW I AM IF YOU DONT WANT THE ****ING TRUTH AND DONT PRETEND TO CARE IF YOU DONT GIVE A **** . that's what what I wish i said to her but instead i said nothing .
I hear what you are saying,I know dont bother to asks if they really dont want to know makes me so ,mad pis- me off There isnt enough done about a mental illness hey they have charities for everything else why not mental illness?
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Old 03-12-2019, 05:23 PM #6
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Default Re: I dont understand my kids they wont help me

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, xmascarol How old are your kids? Unfortunately kids don't always respect their parents as they should. You're definitely not alone in this. What are they busy with when you ask them to help? If they're not making up excuses, you could propose to help them a little bit in whathever they're doing at the moment. That way they'll finish sooner, and they'll be able to help you with what YOU need to do. Perhaps you could try to reach some sort of agreement about this. I'm so sorry your kids aren't respectful of your MI. I'd suggest to talk to them about this and see how it goes from there. Perhaps they're not aware of how hurtful these comments are for you. Try to tell them that you're hurting because of these comments and that you would want them to stop making them. Hopefully they'll listen to you and understand you. I'm so sorry, dealing with kids is not easy at all. It can be very stressful. I'm sure they love you, they just don't show it too much. It can happen. It's hard for people without MI to understand people with MI, like Anxiety for example. You're a wonderful mother. Be proud of yourself for that. From what you wrote there's no doubt that you love them very much. Please don't give up. Try to hang on. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. You're a strong, wonderful person, xmascarol. Please don't give up. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this
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Old 03-13-2019, 03:33 AM #7
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, xmascarol How old are your kids? Unfortunately kids don't always respect their parents as they should. You're definitely not alone in this. What are they busy with when you ask them to help? If they're not making up excuses, you could propose to help them a little bit in whathever they're doing at the moment. That way they'll finish sooner, and they'll be able to help you with what YOU need to do. Perhaps you could try to reach some sort of agreement about this. I'm so sorry your kids aren't respectful of your MI. I'd suggest to talk to them about this and see how it goes from there. Perhaps they're not aware of how hurtful these comments are for you. Try to tell them that you're hurting because of these comments and that you would want them to stop making them. Hopefully they'll listen to you and understand you. I'm so sorry, dealing with kids is not easy at all. It can be very stressful. I'm sure they love you, they just don't show it too much. It can happen. It's hard for people without MI to understand people with MI, like Anxiety for example. You're a wonderful mother. Be proud of yourself for that. From what you wrote there's no doubt that you love them very much. Please don't give up. Try to hang on. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. You're a strong, wonderful person, xmascarol. Please don't give up. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this
First of all I want to say thank you.My son is 34 and my daughter is 41 .I tried talking to them but it goes through one ear out to another.I understand my son has kids but he was never like this before sorry to say but I have a feeling this is his wives doing.Even when I tell him that my land lady is messing around with me he could care less,ya that way he doesnt have to deal with her and I know he doesnt like her either nobody does.He told me when I fist moved into these new apts that he and my daughter cannot do my laundry for me ,they dont have the time oh come on all I got is like two shirts and two pairs of pant and sox and some faceclothes that is it.Beside he has to wash his clothes doesnt he,I have a friend who will do that and he even takes out my trash when my own kids should be doing that .I gave them both a really nice gift for Christmas I made a huge box up of stuff like paper plates, paper two plastic spoons forks stuff like that did a lot of grocery shopping for them must have spent at least 300 dollars each for the both of them .Do I get a thank you no.So guess what I am not doing it anymore.I hardly ever get to see my two grandchildren how sad is this ?He lives only ten minutes away from me,I remember a couple of times get this his wife timed how long it took them to get here,Who does that type a thing?
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Old 03-13-2019, 03:38 AM #8
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Default Re: I dont understand my kids they wont help me

If you really need help and are not getting it I recommend point blank asking them why they wont help. Now be prepared to hear excuses and not like the answer but ask anyway. Once asking is over with I think you should seriously reconsider helping them in most ways. You are not a walking bank or just a babysitter. They sound selfish and wrapped up in their own lives right now. You have a right to tell them this. Next time they ask you you can just tell them that you needed them and they chose not to help so you are choosing to take a step back. Most important is to tell them how much they have hurt you.
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Old 03-13-2019, 03:38 AM #9
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Default Re: I dont understand my kids they wont help me

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Originally Posted by cryingontheinside View Post
I would help you if i could . im sorry your children are not helping or supporting you especially when they said that they would .
My family don't understand my mental health at all and its very frustrating . sometimes i want them to live in my shoes for 24 hours so they could get some insight .
Its funny because everyone always puts these quotes up on social media trying to support mental health but when you directly go to that person for help its a different story .
My mum would text me " how are you ? "
I would lie and say i was ok . but then i started to get honest for a while and reply " depressed". What was her response ? " why are you telling me this for ? Theres nothing i can do ! Seriously what do you expect me to do !!!! " DONT ****ING ASK ME HOW I AM IF YOU DONT WANT THE ****ING TRUTH AND DONT PRETEND TO CARE IF YOU DONT GIVE A **** . that's what what I wish i said to her but instead i said nothing .
Why do people even asks how we are when it is clear they really dont give a damn how we feel.I had that happened to me only last summer when I was sitting outside my neighbor asked me how I was then she starts walking away so I was talking to her back.I mean how rude is that.I am a lot like you when someone says something we dont like I just sit back take it all in and say nothing then I kick myself later for not saying anything ,You know sometime I think it is because I really dont know how to respond to them.Still it isnt right.To them I just have a screw loose. That is not fair.
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Old 03-14-2019, 03:31 AM #10
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Default Re: I dont understand my kids they wont help me

I feel for your difficult situation. Please note that those who ridicule a person in difficult life situation are more in need of repairing their thought process than anyone else. I am glad a forum like PC provides an avenue to vent. Speaking of remedying the indifference by ones own children towards one's own elderly parents, along the lines of child welfare services hold parents accountable, it would be good to have a reciprocal protection for the elderly by the government holding grown-up children accountable.
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