Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast - Forums at Psych Central


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-08-2019, 06:45 PM #1
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,055
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,055 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
3,481 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

I am going downhill FAST, I am worried, I am scared and I need help please.

If this thread doesn't belong here, I apologize and please move as you see fit.

Work stress has been building for a few months and has now reached a new height this week. I am not about to walk out or quit, but I went to HR and vocalized my discontent saying I want to leave because of X issue. I have only been there 7 months and am already looking for other jobs. I cannot take the extreme stress or pressure anymore.

My fiance is also facing enormous and mounting stress at work and also physically. He is not well physically or mentally right now. His stress at work is far too great.

Financially, we are beginning to struggle. His finances have dwindled lately -- (he is paid on 100% commission only) and to no fault of his own but due to serious dysfunction within the company. He is looking but cannot afford a pay cut right now either, which is his greatest concern. So I am partially supporting both of us right now, which is a huge strain on me financially and emotionally because I am trying to also save for our wedding/honeymoon.

He is suffering immensely from physical injuries, two of them, plus a sudden onslaught of migraines -- I am very concerned.

We cannot afford time off. We cannot afford the surgery he needs on his shoulder.

We are scheduled to marry in May. Right now I hope it can happen financially for us.

I am not mentally well and am unraveling.

I don't see my therapist until Tuesday. I am not in any danger of harm, I am just not well and do not know how to cope anymore with all this stress coming from multiple directions, impacting our lives, our well-being and our happiness.

Please help -- thank you!!
__________________
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

~Bob Marley
golden_eve is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-08-2019, 07:07 PM #2
CepheidVariable's Avatar
CepheidVariable CepheidVariable is online now
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2017
Location: rural Canada
Posts: 1,470
CepheidVariable CepheidVariable is online now
Poohbah
CepheidVariable's Avatar
CepheidVariable is always lonely so pardon any rambling
 
Member Since: Jun 2017
Location: rural Canada
Posts: 1,470 (SuperPoster!)

2,121 hugs
given
Default Re: Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

We haven't really talked, but you've always seemed grounded and have good advice for others.

For what it's worth ... Right now, my best suggestion would be to look after yourself tonight and not make any decisions or try to figure things out until you are fresh in the morning.


Were you only looking for emotional support? Or ideas for the other stuff?


Sending hugs.
CepheidVariable is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-08-2019, 07:52 PM #3
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,055
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,055 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
3,481 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

Quote:
Originally Posted by CepheidVariable View Post
We haven't really talked, but you've always seemed grounded and have good advice for others.

For what it's worth ... Right now, my best suggestion would be to look after yourself tonight and not make any decisions or try to figure things out until you are fresh in the morning.


Were you only looking for emotional support? Or ideas for the other stuff?


Sending hugs.
Thank you so much. We’re having a relaxing Thai dinner then we’ll watch movies in bed and fall asleep. Thank you!
__________________
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

~Bob Marley
golden_eve is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-08-2019, 10:35 PM #4
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey Mopey is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 998
Mopey Mopey is offline
Grand Member
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 998 (SuperPoster!)

679 hugs
given
Default Re: Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

Good idea. Then maybe tomorrow when you wake up rested you can look at the whole mess one little bit at a time together, then maybe make a plan slowly for what steps you might take.

Best...
Mopey is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-08-2019, 10:40 PM #5
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,805
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Grand Poohbah
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets Humor is my end game..
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,805 (SuperPoster!)

104 hugs
given
Default Re: Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

I wish I had something more concrete to offer you. I know what I do when I feel it boiling up and about to erupt is what I call "5 blue things". I saw it on a show. Its a way of grounding- and reframing the mind. You look around for five blue things and say them out loud slowly with a deep breath between.. " i see the blue book" (breathe) I see the towel"-breathe- I see the dish soap... and onward, it really does help at least a little when you feel like you might have a meltdown.
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-09-2019, 03:19 AM #6
Nowinners's Avatar
Nowinners Nowinners is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: US
Posts: 467
Nowinners Nowinners is offline
Member
Nowinners's Avatar
Nowinners has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: US
Posts: 467

1,435 hugs
given
Default Re: Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

I am glad you are both looking for other jobs. There are low stress jobs out there though I acknowledge that most jobs with benefits seem to have a lot of stress. The trick is to learn not to care as much--something that may be the opposite of your personality. Hang in there.

Have you already made financial commitments toward your marriage? Spend very little. Is there anything else you can do to lower your expenses (like finding a cheaper place to live).

The only positive thing I can think of is that you are being tested on how compatible you both are as a couple. If your love can handle this stress then you are a good match. Someday, you both will retire and will not have to deal with some of this.
Nowinners is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-09-2019, 06:28 AM #7
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,353
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
Wise Elder
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,353 (SuperPoster!)

2 yr Member
29.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, golden_eve It must be very stressful for you to deal with all of this. Please don't give up. Take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. Otherwise it will all seem so overwhelming for you. Just try to focus on one thing at the time. If you're dealing with your job, just focus on it and don't think of any other worries. Most importantly, remember to tale care of yourself! Take some time to relax with your boyfriend. I know it's hard, but trust me whan i say that things can and will get better. Remember that you're doing all you can to deal with this situation - you're looking for another job and doing your best to support your boyfriend. Be proud of yourself for that. I agree with Nowinners. If you're going through all of this with your boyfriend, it means your bond is really stronger! You will get out all of this stronger than ever, I'm sure of that. I'm so sorry, I wish I've had more advice to give to you. Just keep doing what you're already doing. You're handling all of this pretty well. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. You've got this. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-09-2019, 06:31 AM #8
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,055
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,055 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
3,481 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate the support.

CepheidVariable, I meant to answer your question, sorry! I suppose I was looking to vent and also get support.

Taking it one step at it time helps since I'm a bit overwhelmed.

I think I need to try to relax and chill as much as possible. Maybe I'll put on meditative music this weekend.

Not caring so much about my work helps too. I do tend to care too much.

Grounding techniques are also helpful. I've used different grounding techniques in the past and it's helped.

I do have a plan: get a better job.

We're not having a wedding though. I am saving for a honeymoon. We're eloping. Hehe. But it's still a good chunk of $$.

We're going to curb our spending as much as possible too -- that will also help.
__________________
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

~Bob Marley
golden_eve is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-09-2019, 07:29 AM #9
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,055
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,055 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
3,481 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, golden_eve It must be very stressful for you to deal with all of this. Please don't give up. Take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. Otherwise it will all seem so overwhelming for you. Just try to focus on one thing at the time. If you're dealing with your job, just focus on it and don't think of any other worries. Most importantly, remember to tale care of yourself! Take some time to relax with your boyfriend. I know it's hard, but trust me whan i say that things can and will get better. Remember that you're doing all you can to deal with this situation - you're looking for another job and doing your best to support your boyfriend. Be proud of yourself for that. I agree with Nowinners. If you're going through all of this with your boyfriend, it means your bond is really stronger! You will get out all of this stronger than ever, I'm sure of that. I'm so sorry, I wish I've had more advice to give to you. Just keep doing what you're already doing. You're handling all of this pretty well. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. You've got this. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
Thanks, Mickey!

I missed your message when I wrote my last.

You asked if there is anything ppl can do to help me.... I think just what everyone is doing -- providing support and encouragement.

I DO need to remain strong through all of this somehow.

Oh -- and yes, to the above poster as well (I am not well so I am not recalling usernames off the top of my head right now) -- we are doing well as a couple together through this. We are not getting angry with each other, we are remaining as calm as we can be together, and we are not taking our frustrations out on each other. We are both trying hard to remain calm as well as pleasant and loving towards each other through our individual and collective stress.

It most certainly IS a test of our love through this period. Man oh man!

And I apologize if I don't address ppl directly by name. I am reading and appreciative of ALL responses and support on here.

Thank you, Mickey, and thank you all so much.
__________________
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

~Bob Marley
golden_eve is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-09-2019, 07:54 AM #10
WishfulThinker66's Avatar
WishfulThinker66 WishfulThinker66 is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,565
WishfulThinker66 WishfulThinker66 is offline
Grand Poohbah
WishfulThinker66's Avatar
WishfulThinker66 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,565 (SuperPoster!)

122 hugs
given
Default Re: Not Coping Well With Life Stresses or Anything Right Now -- Unraveling Fast

You said you spoke to your Human Resources Department. Did you mention then work was affecting your mental health or the word Anxiety? If so, your workplace is legally bound to accomodate you. If they are an employer of size (I assume if they have an HR they are bound to be), they will have access to what is called an EAP (Employee Assistance Package). Please note this is NOT your health and benefits and there is no connection between the two other than the EAP will draw from your benefits funding.

An EAP is a clearing house persay of resources - like therapy, etc. They can provide you with immediate help, act as a go between with your HR at work (if you so desire), and refer you to programs and therapy. A plan of action will be drawn up for coping with your work and non-work related stress and your employer MUST adhere to this.

My own example is that when I contacted mine years ago they immediately took action. I wasn't even dealing with work related stress rather the stress of a marital breakup which affected my work. So they got me in touch with both a therapist and made appointments with several lawyers for a complimentary consultation. In the meantime, while waiting for these various appointments, the EAP sent out a big box of marvelous coping mechanisms for the short term; candles, relaxation CD, bath salts, lavender essential oil, and a work book pertaining to workplace anxiety. It all was a great experience. Meanwhile my work gave me lighter duties until I was back on track again.

Look into whether your employer will have one. Now a point of note: if you have a health and benefits package you are likely to also have an EAP. It is alarming though that most businesses don't even bother to inform their employees of its existence.

Also of note: Your employer cannot use your divulging of being anxious or some other mental health issue against you. This is the law. As said, they are obligated to accomodate you if you choose to disclose. At no time, unless you have authorised, will an EAP divulge anything back to your employer.

I hope this helps you and any others reading this.

NOW, I recently had to quit my most recent job over stress. Stupidly I was so wound up that when my employer offered to assist and accomodate me I turned them down. I really truly regret this. It was the heat of the moment, I was in the throws of a panic attack and quit on the spot. In retrospect I am really kicking myself for not taking them up on their offer. Poop.
WishfulThinker66 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:23 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.