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Old 12-07-2018, 06:19 AM   #1
lucymae1
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Default PTSD causing depression and anxiety

So my mom dissapeared about 35 years ago. She found my sister about 4 months ago on FaceBook and we had a wonderful reunion in California together. I've been talking to my mom about 2 to 3 times a week and it's been nice. Yesterday she was telling me some things I did not know about and it has put me in a depression. I know it was the past and long ago but it still saddens me.

I remember I was about maybe 5 or 6 years old and my dad bought a case of beer and I said "Pop" are you going to drink all of that? He said no with a chuckle and that twinkle in his eye. He then dropped me off at my best friends house to spend the night.

The next morning I was full of anxiety and ran as fast as I could all the way home. I knew something dreadful had happened. I opened the front door and my mom was sitting in the living room on an ottoman crying. My father had demolished the house. I remember her ponds cream on the wall and could hear my father puking in the bedroom saying I'm so sorry.

What I did not know and what she told me yesterday is that she was 7 months pregnant with my sister. My mom was at a neighbors house and came home and my father tore her maternity dress off and ripped it. She stood with just her underwear on and he preceded to go into a rage. She said she held her pregnant belly and told him please don't hurt the baby. You will kill the baby.

I knew my dad was a raging alcoholic. I witnessed many bruises on my mom many times. I started having flashbacks of those times which were mostly depressing times. I hated life. I hated school. I hated everything when I should have been having the time of my life.

I just had to get this out cuz it hurts so bad. I will ask my mom not to share these things with me anymore. Truthfully I can't take it. I already have high anxiety and mostly Bipolar depression.

Any kind words would be appreciated. I know I'm not alone in this.
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Old 12-07-2018, 07:11 AM   #2
MickeyCheeky
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I'm so sorry you're struggling, lucymae1 It must have been terrible to go through what you've been through, and to have flashbacks of it years later. Yes, I'm sure you're not alone in this either. I'm sure your mom will understand your request and hopefully you'll never have to live through this experience again. Just know that the past is past and the present and future can only get better. Do you see a therapist? I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 12-07-2018, 10:36 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucymae1 View Post
So my mom dissapeared about 35 years ago. She found my sister about 4 months ago on FaceBook and we had a wonderful reunion in California together. I've been talking to my mom about 2 to 3 times a week and it's been nice. Yesterday she was telling me some things I did not know about and it has put me in a depression. I know it was the past and long ago but it still saddens me.

I remember I was about maybe 5 or 6 years old and my dad bought a case of beer and I said "Pop" are you going to drink all of that? He said no with a chuckle and that twinkle in his eye. He then dropped me off at my best friends house to spend the night.

The next morning I was full of anxiety and ran as fast as I could all the way home. I knew something dreadful had happened. I opened the front door and my mom was sitting in the living room on an ottoman crying. My father had demolished the house. I remember her ponds cream on the wall and could hear my father puking in the bedroom saying I'm so sorry.

What I did not know and what she told me yesterday is that she was 7 months pregnant with my sister. My mom was at a neighbors house and came home and my father tore her maternity dress off and ripped it. She stood with just her underwear on and he preceded to go into a rage. She said she held her pregnant belly and told him please don't hurt the baby. You will kill the baby.

I knew my dad was a raging alcoholic. I witnessed many bruises on my mom many times. I started having flashbacks of those times which were mostly depressing times. I hated life. I hated school. I hated everything when I should have been having the time of my life.

I just had to get this out cuz it hurts so bad. I will ask my mom not to share these things with me anymore. Truthfully I can't take it. I already have high anxiety and mostly Bipolar depression.

Any kind words would be appreciated. I know I'm not alone in this.
I am so sorry that you are having a hard time of it and the way your father abused you mom,awful just awful no child should ever have to see that and to live with that kind of fear,i feel so bad for you.I also have bipolar and depression along with anxieties sometimes panic attacks,and of course mood swings they are the worse.Feel free to talk to me anytime.
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Old 12-08-2018, 08:08 AM   #4
WishfulThinker66
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You are not alone. I wish I could comfort you.

I have trauma, sexual trauma, and bullying related PTSD. Accompanying this is my bipolar and regular bouts of severe depression. Part of the depression is related to my attachment to the past. I ruminate a great deal. This only makes the depression worse - and I in turn feel a failure for letting it get the better of me. Ugh! One thing that helps is to stay away from writing about it, journalling in particular. Just writing this now has placed me in a funk. Yes,we need to avoid situations that trigger this.
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Old 12-08-2018, 08:11 AM   #5
downandlonely
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Default Re: PTSD causing depression and anxiety

I'm sorry your childhood was so traumatic and that your mom brought it up. Yes, maybe tell your mom you'd rather not talk about it. I am glad you were able to reunite with your mom. It must have been hard on you when she left.
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