Parent with severe depression causing me Anxiety - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 11-11-2018, 01:03 PM #1
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My dad has had chronic tinnitus for the past 16 years. He has tried everything and been to every doctor with no success or relief. He also has a bad beck and back, he had back surgery last January but is still in great pain. He has severe depression and can often not control his hysterical mood swings from all of medications and when he doesnít take medicine he also has erractic behavior. It seems nothing will get better!! I have been diagnosed with anxiety for a few years. My dads illness and depression literally increases my anxiety tenfold because I live at home and care for him on a daily basis along with my mom. He feels guilty because he knows what he puts on through but he still cannot hold it together. He barely makes it through a work day and spends most morning crying in bed. I donít want to even move out because I am scared to leave my mom alone to deal with him. I am 23 and my dad is 59. He is hopefully going to start seeing a psychiatrist in a few weeks but I am so terrified nothing will work and this is how my life will be forever. Living in a state of constant fear of my dadís next breakdown and rushing to his aid. I am prescribed xanax and try to only take it nightly as needed but latey heís been stressing me out so badly I have it take it many times a day just to pull mysef together. I feel so helpless and I feel like nobody understands because no one elseís parent acts this way and my boyfriend thinks I care too much and I just need to let me dad be but I canít because of my extreme guilt!! My mind is constantly on edge and I feel so terrible everyday I donít know what else to do.
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Old 11-11-2018, 02:39 PM #2
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((((Mangojuice411)))) I'm so sorry about you and your dad. Please, remember to take care of yourself as well, otherwise you won't be able to take care of your father. Also, remember that you can only do so much to help, but he's the one that has to heal... it's good that he's going to see a psychiatrist. Do you see a therapist, as well?
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Old 11-11-2018, 03:01 PM #3
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Hello Mangojuice: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

I don't know as there is a lot I can offer here. I also have tinnitus, by the way. And I've also struggled with back issues. I've never undergone back surgery though. And, thankfully, my back-related issues have subsided as I've aged. You mentioned your dad has seen many doctors (as I understand it) for his tinnitus with no relief. Unfortunately there is no cure for tinnitus at least not that I'm aware of. It's simply something one has to learn to live with. I once had a procedure performed, by an ENT physician, which is referred to as a "perfusion". It supposedly helps although I'm not at all convinced it did any particular good in my case. There was a period of time when I suffered a severe (thankfully temporary) surge in the level of my tinnitus. It sounded as though I had a freight train running through my head 24 / 7! During that time period, my psychiatrist gave me a prescription for Klonopin. And that helped.

I'm glad your dad is going to be seeing a psychiatrist. That is a good step. It might also be beneficial for him to see a mental health therapist as well. I don't know how these sorts of things work where you live. But where I live, all psychiatrists do is to prescribe & monitor psych med's. Any & all discussion regarding what is happening with a person emotionally is left to mental health therapists. And so, while seeing a psychiatrist is certainly a good thing to do, not also seeing a therapist is sort-of like hopping along on one leg, if you'll excuse the analogy.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with this. I have to tell you I think your boyfriend is right. You're 23. Your life is still just beginning. It's not in any way appropriate, to my way of thinking, for you to be towed under by your 59 year old father's problems. You have your own life to live & it's past time for you to go out & begin living it I believe. I know you wrote you feel guilty. And that is certainly to be expected. Perhaps this, along with the anxiety you are experiencing, would be good things for you to be seeing a therapist about. Having a mental health professional with whom you can sort through all of your feelings regarding your dad could be helpful in putting all of this into perspective.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that offer suggestions for managing anxiety:

Anxiety Disorders - Learn the Symptoms & Treatment

Practicing Self-Compassion When You're Struggling with Anxiety

Living with an Anxiety Disorder

9 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Right Here, Right Now

15 Small Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Anxiety Symptoms

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 11-11-2018, 08:22 PM #4
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
((((Mangojuice411)))) I'm so sorry about you and your dad. Please, remember to take care of yourself as well, otherwise you won't be able to take care of your father. Also, remember that you can only do so much to help, but he's the one that has to heal... it's good that he's going to see a psychiatrist. Do you see a therapist, as well?
Thank you for your kind words, they truly mean a lot! I do not see a therapist, my general practitioner diagnosed me with anxiety a few years ago and up until recent months I didnít have too much trouble managing it but not I am feeling much more out of sorts lately so I am researching therapists online and in my area!
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Old 11-11-2018, 08:32 PM #5
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Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Hello Mangojuice: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

I don't know as there is a lot I can offer here. I also have tinnitus, by the way. And I've also struggled with back issues. I've never undergone back surgery though. And, thankfully, my back-related issues have subsided as I've aged. You mentioned your dad has seen many doctors (as I understand it) for his tinnitus with no relief. Unfortunately there is no cure for tinnitus at least not that I'm aware of. It's simply something one has to learn to live with. I once had a procedure performed, by an ENT physician, which is referred to as a "perfusion". It supposedly helps although I'm not at all convinced it did any particular good in my case. There was a period of time when I suffered a severe (thankfully temporary) surge in the level of my tinnitus. It sounded as though I had a freight train running through my head 24 / 7! During that time period, my psychiatrist gave me a prescription for Klonopin. And that helped.

I'm glad your dad is going to be seeing a psychiatrist. That is a good step. It might also be beneficial for him to see a mental health therapist as well. I don't know how these sorts of things work where you live. But where I live, all psychiatrists do is to prescribe & monitor psych med's. Any & all discussion regarding what is happening with a person emotionally is left to mental health therapists. And so, while seeing a psychiatrist is certainly a good thing to do, not also seeing a therapist is sort-of like hopping along on one leg, if you'll excuse the analogy.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with this. I have to tell you I think your boyfriend is right. You're 23. Your life is still just beginning. It's not in any way appropriate, to my way of thinking, for you to be towed under by your 59 year old father's problems. You have your own life to live & it's past time for you to go out & begin living it I believe. I know you wrote you feel guilty. And that is certainly to be expected. Perhaps this, along with the anxiety you are experiencing, would be good things for you to be seeing a therapist about. Having a mental health professional with whom you can sort through all of your feelings regarding your dad could be helpful in putting all of this into perspective.



I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
Thank you so much for your reply and for all of your advice. Hearing from someone else who has tinnitus is extremely helpful as I often wish I could understand the agony of the ringing. My dad has described it exactly as you did with the ďfreight trainĒ noise and it rarely dies down for him. He also had quite a few procedure done, similar to the one you described and found little relief. I cannot even describe how much I sympathize with those afflicted because I see how my dadís personality has dramatically changed into a downward spiral. He has tried many different antidepressants and also takes Clonazepam and muscle relaxers etc. It is just so hard when he lashes out and I donít know it if is from all of the medications or if his mind without the medication would be the same. The mood swings are just terrible and it breaks my heart to see him in pain. I know my feelings of guilt should not be as pronounced and my mom always tells me not to worry about him as much as I do but it is just so difficult for me as we have been so close my whole life. Again, I cannot thank you enough for your insight and your kind words you definitely helped me understand and feel a bit better about the situation! All the best to you and thanks again!
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Old 11-12-2018, 09:07 AM #6
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Default Re: Parent with severe depression causing me Anxiety

Hello and a warm welcome to PC. I wish you well in finding a therapist to help you work through this. I know you love your dad. I agree with the others that your life is just beginning at 23 and you need to be careful that your dadís problems donít totally sweep you off your feet. Iím glad he is going to see a psychiatrist who can, hopefully, give him some relief for his depression.

Hang in there and take good care of yourself.
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