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Old 11-29-2018, 03:07 AM   #1
LucyD
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My parents have been gone for quite awhile; I mean they are dead now for many years. I was fearful of posting about the neglect I suffered because they are dead and didn't want to speak ill of the dead. I now know I was very much neglected a lot in my childhood from the effects of their drinking and ignoring my emotional well being. I don't want to put a lot of blame on them; only am saying it did me harm and I can see how it effected me in my life.

I now feel like no one should care about me or I am a big pain if I want love or need love. Their drinking came first to them and it wasn't always that way but at a certain point it was that way and for the rest of their lives and for mine as long as they were alive. I was told more or less to "get lost" when they were drinking. I had many needs and see it really affected my development as a human being as I was in my teens when this happened and I was never able to go to them for help when I needed it and I greatly needed them at times.

Know what I mean?
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Old 11-29-2018, 03:50 AM   #2
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Wow Lucy i am so sorry you had to go through this as a child and continue to be affected by it. Thank you so much for sharing. I am a young mother of three and your short post has made me think about my past. To be honest I have had my previous drinking get me into some legal trouble years back. The past 2 years, I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding so i haven't been drinking for a while. Now I'm pregnant again & planning on breastfeeding my newborn next month. But I have seen the children in my family be neglected by my own family members due to their alcohol abuse. It's so sad to see how it affects children forever. I'm very fortunate my father stopped his drinking when i was 5yrs old, God knows how that would've affected me had he continued his alcohol abuse. I wish you well and just know that your parents probably loved you very much but they made some selfish decisions when they should've been there for you.
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Old 11-29-2018, 04:20 AM   #3
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((((LucyD)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. It's good that you're acknowledging the neglect you received. Acknowledging is the first step for healing. Hopefully, now you'll be able to move on from your past and to let go of those demons. Please remember that you're worthy of love, just like anyone else. Do you see a therapist? I'm sorry for what you've been through
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Old 11-30-2018, 10:55 PM   #4
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Yes. I do know what you mean.

(((((LucyD)))))

My experience was much like you describe.

Are you an only child? I am.
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Old 12-06-2018, 11:22 AM   #5
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I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same thing and went through the same thing. I needed love and attention and did not get it. They were sick in their disease. My father is the one that drank and my mother was to preoccupied with her own survival for my needs. It's very sad and hurtful. I still have PTSD to this day and I'm 56 years old. I have since forgiven them and know they were both sick not bad people. I now have choices and options to deal with the aftermath.

Your not alone on this. I know this is very common for us ACA folks. I just posted something this morning. Check it out if you can.

Sending a big hug and love your way.
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Old 12-08-2018, 04:57 AM   #6
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Thank you all for your replies. It hurts really bad, the neglect, where was the love? I know they were sick, too. I have PTSD, too but not from them at least I'm not sure if they could have set it in motion; I am 61 years old and still have trauma issues. Don't know if I will ever be "normal" but what I am is just me and the result of my life; I will be okay, I am a lot of the time. I wish the best to all of you. Hope to hear more about your lives.
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Old 12-08-2018, 06:20 AM   #7
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I don't come by this forum often, I just happened to see the title of this thread that shows up on the general Forum list. I'm 71, and so can definitely understand a lifelong struggle.

I like support groups and attended some ACA meetings, but I never felt like I and my issues quite "fit". My (dysfunctional) family was more narcissistic, not alcoholic. Still, there are similarities and overlaps. The underlying feeling of neglect -- for me it's like, "nobody notices, nobody cares, nobody understands, nobody wants me". Not in any particular order -- once one comes, it sets off the others. And it does hurt really bad. And -- they had stuff, too, that I know about their lives and which seems really crappy. They didn't get over it, and passed some on. Oh, well.

Glad to hear that you are OK most days. I keep on, keeping on, one foot in front of the other, sometimes things are good, sometimes not. It ain't over till it's over and the HP hasn't decided that it's over for me yet.
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Old 12-13-2018, 05:22 AM   #8
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It's painful having 2 alcoholics or even one for a parent. My mom didn't drink till in her late 30s so she was there for me part of my life but she had her own issues of being traumatized and my dad and was not a selfless person; maybe that's why she turned to drinking. My dad always had his beer and shots. He was very quiet until he got mad then lookout...yikes.

I turned to drinking and then quit for almost 20 years then started back. I quit again for a few years and started again. Now I am sober and taking one day at a time. I know I need to get therapy again; had it for awhile and not long enough; still have issues to resolve.

I appreciate all the feedback. Hope you all have a nice holiday season. I will most likely be alone but I have my great pet family who don't drink..lol...that's amazing. I've had lots of people in my life who drank and were not there for me. I need to work on these issues.
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