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Old 02-07-2018, 05:35 AM   #1
Dannii91
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Default Can a high functioning alcoholic parent affect you in some way without you knowing?

Like they may not be abusive, but they tend to say things that hurt you and have a type of personality and attitude that is almost hostile when they are drunk. But it never feels like you grew up in an alcoholic jouselhold because your parent was never abusive or your family was well off?
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Old 02-07-2018, 04:32 PM   #2
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Default Re: Can a high functioning alcoholic parent affect you in some way without you knowin

Often an alcoholic parent does not provide the connection/attachment and attention that children need for their emotional development. You might want to look into Childhood Emotional Neglect on this site or elsewhere online.
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Old 02-07-2018, 05:32 PM   #3
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Default Re: Can a high functioning alcoholic parent affect you in some way without you knowin

My father is an alcoholic but it was never talked about in that way, just, "Dad drinks." I frequently felt the way you feel. Like, I grew up "ok," though he was often an immature asshole while drunk and I never considered him to be like a father should act, or as a father figure. I am so glad I moved out. Best thing I've done for myself. Anyway, I was emotionally neglected by my parents growing up, too. That feels good to admit (its my first time admitting it "out loud"). But anyway, I would say that yes, alcoholism can have a deep impact on the child, no matter how "Severe / high functioning." My dad was kind of high functioning in that he worked full time 40+ hours a week.
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Old 02-07-2018, 05:34 PM   #4
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I have heard that Al-Anon meetings are helpful for family members of alcoholics. I myself would like to go to a meeting.
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Old 02-11-2018, 09:48 AM   #5
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Default Re: Can a high functioning alcoholic parent affect you in some way without you knowin

Yes, I think any addiction steals something from relationships. My Dad's alcoholism was his secret world, and it was always there, even though he worked a lot-- high functioning that way. but he was emotionally remote. Judgemental. I didn't realize how it effected me until i went into therapy in my 20's. I'm still in therapy decades later.
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Old 02-11-2018, 01:56 PM   #6
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Default Re: Can a high functioning alcoholic parent affect you in some way without you knowin

Yes, both my parents were alcoholics until they passed away. My mom was a so called home maker, but my dad worked until he was 72. I came from a large family, 6 kids. I was out of the home because of abuse, but all the rest of my siblings drink, and at least 2 are alcoholics, and will probably pass on like my parents. I took my Son to visit my parents once when he was about 12. He never wanted to see them again, and he never did, even when they were dying, and passed away. He feels the same about almost all of my family. He has seen too much!!!!!!!
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:56 PM   #7
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Default Re: Can a high functioning alcoholic parent affect you in some way without you knowin

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dannii91 View Post
Like they may not be abusive, but they tend to say things that hurt you and have a type of personality and attitude that is almost hostile when they are drunk. But it never feels like you grew up in an alcoholic jouselhold because your parent was never abusive or your family was well off?
Without you knowing? No. My mother was alcoholic and it was more important for her to get drunk with her friends in the kitchen for example, making loud noises until late night instead of giving me some quiet time to learn or to sleep before important tests at school.

She was never abusive, she was never mean, I had always enough to eat, but emotionally, I was only number 2 in her life, and Wine was the number 1.
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Old 02-13-2018, 11:38 AM   #8
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Default Re: Can a high functioning alcoholic parent affect you in some way without you knowin

If they are telling you mean things, then that is verbal abuse.

My mother functioned well at work and had many friends, but she drank a lot at home. Usually she and my father would fight--it went on like this until she had terminal cancer. Both of them are gone now. I have quite a few MIs because of them. I'm still healing from them several years later.
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:20 PM   #9
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Default Re: Can a high functioning alcoholic parent affect you in some way without you knowin

My mom is an alcoholic. I always imagined she would cut me out of her life one day because I wouldn't go along with her illusion that she was fine, just sometimes she wasn't. She cut me out. I also got her terror. She was so afraid of other people, of herself, of not being able to survive. Even when an alcoholic stops drinking, they have a lot of things to pass on, a way of communicating, and so on. And growing up with an alcoholic, I learnt how to live in a world as inhabited by people with unstable, harmful behavior. Hyper vigilance, fixing things, not knowing how to walk away, and thinking I had to survive on my own. I have eventually learnt no one can thrive on their own, life brought me to my knees. Money and a nice house, and nice manners don't mitigate the effects of an alcoholic.
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Old 02-17-2018, 08:55 AM   #10
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Default Re: Can a high functioning alcoholic parent affect you in some way without you knowin

My alcoholic father was mostly absent. It was my mother's response to him that was terrorizing. She was full of rage. She was cruel, and abused him and us. And she never recovered, even after he left. Until dementia claimed her, she felt she was a victim of his alcoholism. Her life must have felt so unstable, and wrong. We were never safe with my mother. She blamed alcohol and Dad, and we were her burden. We now know that Mom had personality disorders. Her mother told me she was never like that until she married, though. Could her marriage have triggered her nature?
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