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Unread 08-12-2017, 05:27 AM   #1
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Default I feel uncomfortable around my Dad and I feel awful

Hello,

I am 28 years old. I had a dysfunctional childhood. My Mum suffered from bad Bi-polar disorder and alcoholism and my Dad is also a bad alcoholic.

I always adored my Dad and didn't get on well with my Mum, she was a difficult woman at the best of times. So was my Dad but he is a lot calmer and kind and just easier to be around. Although I have never felt comfortable around him when he was drunk.

My Mum left when I was 13 with my sister in the night and I was left wth My Dad. My Mum accused me of sleeping with my Dad which was of course not the truth but she always had a weird obsession with sexual abuse.

My Dads alcoholism got very bad when it was just us and I spent years feeling very lonely and resentful of this emotionally unavailable and neglectful parent who I used to think the world off.

Anyway I have moved on left hole got a job. I have always been in contact with my dad, my sister now lives with him. And I'm the past few years his alcoholism has drastically improved with the help of AA and a regab. So it is amazing to see him functioning and being alive. We just went on holiday together, just the two of us, and it was sweet how delighted he was to be there and he really enjoyed himself. But as time went on I got this increasing feeling of feeeling so uncomfortable and disgusted by being around him and like I wanted to get away from him, and didn't want him to be near me and I felt a bit sick. Such an uncomfortable feeling, like a don't touch me feeeling. I waited till he left and a cried my eyes out for having this feeling because he is a lovely man. I don't ever remember him sexually abusing me or being inappropriate, bit is this feeling telling me other wise or is this a normal feeling to have around an alcoholic parent who neglected you for so long. I can't place it and it scares me. I am in therapy and I will talk to my therapist about it. But I don't understand it, I lived with him for ages while he was heavily drinking and while his behaviour was disgusting in terms of the states I would find him in, he never did anything to me in that way.

I would appreciate any insight that anyone might have about this.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 04:30 PM   #2
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Default Re: I feel uncomfortable around my Dad and I feel awful

When my mother was drinking, I was hyper-vigilant because I didn't know what was going to happen. I was with her for a little bit before she died, and I still had that icky feeling.

It may also be because your mom "programmed" you. That will take therapy to stop.
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Unread 08-13-2017, 04:54 AM   #3
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Default Re: I feel uncomfortable around my Dad and I feel awful

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fharraige View Post
When my mother was drinking, I was hyper-vigilant because I didn't know what was going to happen. I was with her for a little bit before she died, and I still had that icky feeling.

It may also be because your mom "programmed" you. That will take therapy to stop.
Thanks so much, I really appreciate it, sometimes it's hard to understand why you feel a certain way and you can get Paranoid. The programmed thing definitely rings true.
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Unread 08-21-2017, 07:29 PM   #4
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Default Re: I feel uncomfortable around my Dad and I feel awful

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But as time went on I got this increasing feeling of feeeling so uncomfortable and disgusted by being around him and like I wanted to get away from him, and didn't want him to be near me and I felt a bit sick.
I felt very much like that with regard to my alcoholic mother.

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is this a normal feeling to have around an alcoholic parent who neglected you for so long
It certainly was my experience. I found it repulsive when ahe wanted a hug.
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Unread 09-02-2017, 12:23 PM   #5
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Default Re: I feel uncomfortable around my Dad and I feel awful

I've heard several times how normal this is for children of alcoholics. And still, when I feel these exact things you describe, I feel simultaneously oversensitive / dysfunctional / I don't know.

So thanks, everyone, for normalising it in my mind again. That feeling of "Thank God! It isn't just me" is a pretty powerful and healing one.
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