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Unread 08-07-2017, 06:07 PM   #1
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Question Worried about my mum once I leave home??

Hi,

I hope this is ok to post here as I'm not quite an adult (nearly 18) but I wasn't sure where else to post this

My mum drinks one (sometimes more) bottle of wine a night, every night, which may not seem like too much of a problem, and if I'm honest I sometimes wonder if it even is because she's not a violent drunk and is completely functioning (although there have been a few drunk moments in the past).

But anyway, my worry is that when I leave home (within the next couple of years) my mum will start drinking more, having a negative impact on her health and the family. Obviously I might be wrong, but in the past when she has tried to give up there's always been a reason to get back to it: had a bad day at work, stressed, upset etc.

So when I leave home surely that will be a massive reason to drink?! My dad and sibling will still be around, and we're not massively close,but even so I suspect her drinking will go up...

How do I deal with this? I know I can't help her but it does worry me.

Thank you
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Unread 08-08-2017, 10:02 AM   #2
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Default Re: Worried about my mum once I leave home??

Her drinking may go up. That could happen. My mother was an alcoholic and I'm sure when I went into the military she drank more. But I also learned to focus on my own life, eventually taking care of myself and my own family. I couldn't change how my mother drank, but I could change my reaction to it. I set boundaries and stuck to them. It was hard, but I'm glad I did.
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Unread 09-12-2017, 12:22 AM   #3
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Default Re: Worried about my mum once I leave home??

The weird thing about taking care of alcoholics is that you can never really help them by doing that. You might feel like you're the one holding it all together, but they're going to do what they're going to do either way. What if you stayed because you were afraid of her drinking increasing... and it increased anyway? What if you were 28 years old, and you still lived with her or near by, and your life was dictated by your worry that she was going to get her as she stumbled or got in her car drunk? What if even after making those sacrifices, she got hurt anyway because you can't be there 24 hours a day? Your mom has a husband, that's good. You are her CHILD, it is perfectly normally (and NOT selfish) to do what children do... grow up, go to school, travel, have adventures, meet someone, fall in love, start a family. Don't let anything stop you from doing that.

When I was 18 I joined the Army! I felt a lot like you do right now. Then I wrote this poem:

I left,
and it was like a dream come true.
I dropped the handle of the wagon
that held the world's weight.

I reached,
letting go of what I had to.
It was the only way to free
the hand that was to hold my fate.
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