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Unread 11-08-2016, 07:45 PM   #1
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Trig I just want to feel again.

hi I live in the united kingdom and am a the child of a alcoholic father and a mother who was sadistic to say the least , I've been suffering from depersonalisation disorder since 17 years of age, I'm currently 38 yoa and my life's a complete disaster zone, I'm emotionally numb and am on the verge of suicide, I was abused physically, mentally and emotionally as a child and wonder is there any hope left for me, the pain is akin to a wound that just wont heal, I just want to feel again. Help or advice appreciated. thankyou
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Unread 11-08-2016, 09:04 PM   #2
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Hello donnie080208: I sorry you are having such a difficult time. Suicidal thinking is nothing to mess around with. (I've been there a couple of times.) You don't mention, in your post, if you're receiving any kind of professional mental health services. If you're feeling suicidal, it is important to reach out, in real life, for the help you need. It can get better. But does take work. Coming here to PC is a great start!

Since this is your first post here on PC, welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!
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Unread 11-08-2016, 11:22 PM   #3
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Default Re: I just want to feel again.

I went through this and it still hangs around adult children of alcoholics can be helpful they have a website and you will find people here are in the same situation so I know how hard we can be on ourselves because I always thought I was the problem but now i realize that its not me.
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Unread 11-12-2016, 12:42 PM   #4
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Default Re: I just want to feel again.

Being brought up in that environment, a natural side-effect is to grow numb internally and externally. It's all in order to survive the nightmare you endured. Unfortunately, it can become a problem later, much longer after the nightmare has passed. I suffer with the same issue. Through being here, a little therapy and occasionally medication; I've learned skills to get out of a depersonalized state.
I count colors, count different sounds, count different smells and feel different textures around the room. It doesn't really help with emotional numbness, however. For you to get through that, it is likely that you'll need to see a professional. If you're feeling suicidal, you should do this immediately. You need the help and you deserve to have it. My thoughts are with you.
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Unread 11-14-2016, 07:19 PM   #5
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Default Re: I just want to feel again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by donnie080208 View Post
hi I live in the united kingdom and am a the child of a alcoholic father and a mother who was sadistic to say the least , I've been suffering from depersonalisation disorder since 17 years of age, I'm currently 38 yoa and my life's a complete disaster zone, I'm emotionally numb and am on the verge of suicide, I was abused physically, mentally and emotionally as a child and wonder is there any hope left for me, the pain is akin to a wound that just wont heal, I just want to feel again. Help or advice appreciated. thankyou
I'd google: Inner Child work and start there. Working with my inner child helped me A LOT.
good luck
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Unread 01-11-2017, 08:10 AM   #6
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Default Re: I just want to feel again.

This is my first post on these boards. I'm sad that I didn't discover it sooner.

Donnie, I too was diagnosed with depersonalization amongst other disorders at an early age. I'd like to tell you that I found some magic cure to the numbness and "watching the actions of a stranger through the stranger's eyes", but alas I don't believe there is. What I have found is that through time and training I was able to rediscover emotions that I had previously forgotten by focusing on how I feel physically and relating that to what my inner voice is telling me. It isn't perfect to recognize sadness or anxiety, but it helps.

It took me years to learn to cope with the lot life threw at me. Don't give up.
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