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Old 03-23-2019, 12:39 PM
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Pfrog Pfrog is offline
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Pfrog Is Feeling Lost And Tempest Tossed ...
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 630

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Unhappy RE: Living With Complex PTSD & Navigating Every Day Life ...

I recently received a summons for Grand Jury Duty and promptly completed the questionnaire and mailed it back directly.

A day or two later I was reviewing my responses to the questions and can't believe I answered the "have you ever been a victim of a crime" question with a "NO" response!

I did e-mail the clerk this weekend and told her I'd misread the question and needed to amend my response to "YES".

I didn't go into too much detail but mentioned the domestic violence, incest and abuse I grew up and lived in for 33.5 years, as well as the attempted sexual assault that happened to me about 4 years ago in the laundry room of the place where I was living at the time.

That is still how strong the compartmentalizing and avoidance (detachment/dissociation) response still is - even with years of therapy under my belt!

I hope they don't press me too much on any of it - as in ... How the hell did you forget all that and answer it wrong?

My greatest fear is getting triggered so badly that I end up in a state of total decompensation again.

I've worked so hard to achieve a semblance of "normalcy", but then something like this happens!

It makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to completely overcome all of my Adverse Childhood Experiences and be able to function as a "whole" adult.

__________________
Some things that get broken simply aren't able to be put back together again ... I've healed as well as I can,
but it's not lost on me how much was, is and shall remain broken; up until the day I leave this patch of dirt called earth.

-Pfrog

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