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Old 01-24-2019, 12:53 PM
JustinTyme JustinTyme is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: US
Posts: 5
JustinTyme JustinTyme is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: US
Posts: 5

Default Re: Schizoid?

I avoid all group activities. I despise the 'feel good' group rapport activities. I feel that extroverts dominate the agenda and impose their crap on the rest of us..as if, were all happy to stand in a circle and play games..laugh and feel so good about ourselves..fk that. I go to these work things..sign my name on the sign-in sheet..and get out of there as quickly as possible..ditch it and go back to my office or go home. I can feel the anxiety and revulsion building to a meltdown point when faced with 'morale boosting' group activities, or meaningless meetings. The people I work with increasingly think I'm odd, an asshole, mean, discontent..not a team player..difficult. The way I look at it is if you don't impose your social ******** on me we'll get along fine..as in there will be no reason for us to interact socially at all, and very few reasons for us to meet at all..and that is for the best. I have pushed the organization I work for to the limit..to the point where I'm bucking there social agenda (meetings, pot-lucks, birthdays etc.) always..and daring them to confront me about it..literally carving out my own reality here amidst the sea of smiling conformity at the risk of being fired. And I have always been this way. When I was a senior in high school..we had a senior ditch day..where all the seniors met at the beach for games and fun. I drove out there said hi to one or two people..and after five minutes discreetly got in my car and drove home without telling anyone. I spent the day alone..and drove back to the beach to be there for the last five minutes. I've always thought that incredibly pathetic and sad. But now I understand that for me..there is no social, never has been, never will be. The challenge is how to survive in a social world.
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