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Old 01-22-2019, 03:21 PM  
Rose76
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Rose76 pondering what to do next.
 
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Default Re: Adderall and treatment resistant Depression

I think all posters above have been well-intentioned, and I'm heartened to see posters trying to offer more understanding to each other, after a slight dust-up.

I see validity in both of the two contrasting perspectives above. My own situation is that I started on Ritalin a few months ago, and I seem to be doing better on it. I just take 20 mg daily, just tab 1 in the morning with breakfast. It's helping me wake up and resist going back to bed. But I know there are good reasons why some drugs are scheduled in the highly controlled category. It is very easy to get carried away with them. And they may not simply make you feel "normal." People's experience varies, but even a prescribed, therapeutic dose can become a monkey-on-your-back.

I haven't fallen in love with Ritalin, so I'm lucky. I get an intended benefit, and my world wouldn't fall apart, if the pdoc stopped letting me have it. But I do have that kind of attachment to a different controlled drug: hydrocodone. I take 10 mg two or three times a day. Half of the pills are mine, and half I get from my boyfriend who is prescribed more than he needs and uses (even after I twice told the VA that he didn't need so many!) I have stayed at that level of use for a few years. I feel I'm habituated to the point where I would call my use somewhat of an addiction, but I'm not looking to escalate to recapture the euphoric effect I used to enjoy when the drug was new to me. There really is not a sharp line between dependence and addiction. I know some abuse experts tend to see addiction as more than just physiologic dependence. But those categories can overlap and their distinctions can blur.

If hydrocodone was removed from my life tomorrow, I would be in a panic. Mainly that's because I have a low tolerance for pain. I was depressed long before I had chronic pains and aches, but - for me - feeling "sore" is immobilizing. Without pain pills, I probably would never get off the recliner. My cue to take a pain pill is when I feel too sore to comfortably do stuff - like cook, or wash the dishes. When all it usually takes is hydrocodone 10 mg every 12 hours to almost totally alleviate that, then I must not be dealing with that big of a pain problem. But getting it relieved changes my life. I can totally see how people fall in love with opiates. I'm in love with these pills, but my use stays pretty modest because I'm a realist about the consequences of going nuts with this stuff. (Then one could point out that I am using as much of it as I can conveniently get a hold of.) So I am kind of addicted. When they talk on TV about curbing doctors prescribing it, I am horrified. But I'm glad I have the stuff. I believe life would suck, if I didn't have it.

I don't believe mood altering drugs, like antidepressants and bipolar meds, simply make you "normal." (I take amitriptyline. In the past, I tried several "mood stabilizers.) I think all this stuff involves somewhat of a "deal with the devil."
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