View Single Post
Old 01-20-2019, 03:26 PM  
BonsaiGuy's Avatar
BonsaiGuy is ready for spring!
Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 174 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

193 hugs
Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
How does one become confident enough in doing something that they're actually able to enjoy it rather than being anxious the whole time? How does one become better at doing something if they're too anxious to even practice the skills (because they're afraid of being judged or someone being mad)? It can't just be doing things over and over again or even doing them successfully. That hasn't worked. One failure is all it takes to destroy any amount of confidence built up.

I feel like I'm going to be ridiculed. I'm already held to much higher standards than other people, so I know I'll be called out if I'm anything less than PERFECT. Having that looming over my head, I can't really enjoy the activity, can I? Nor could I ever gain confidence.

I'm not sure if I need to be more specific but it makes me somewhat anxious to think about doing so.
I'm curious as to what activity you're concerned with, but I will try to help out the best I can.

I can relate to what you're talking about mostly. Even if I am doing something in isolation, I sometimes feel on edge the entire time as if I am on stage performing. This is incredibly anxiety inducing for me.

The best advice I have is that practice makes perfect and investment is key. I will use one of my hobbies as an example.

I have played billiards most of my life and like to think I am half way decent. But, no matter where I go or who I see play, I like to think that most people are better than me. Even though I enjoy the activity, I had to clear some serious milestones before I could even play in public. Here are a few things that have helped.

For one, I try to remember that people are inherently selfish no matter what. This means they are focusing on themselves way more than they are focusing on me. This can be very noticeable. I can be in a crowded pool hall having a god awful game, and nobody even notices me. Nobody is laughing, looking, or focused on me in the slightest. Once I realized this, I kept practicing. I dedicated hours to the craft. I would do this mostly on off-peak times when the venue would be the least crowded. For example, I would take advantage of day rates (playing from 11:00am-3:00pm), instead of going out on Saturday nights.

My next suggestion is investment. I have always been more confident of something that I want to be good at if I put something on the line. Keeping with the billiards example, I bought a pool cue. We'e not talking a simple cue here. I bought the one I wanted, the one that felt right, the one that made me feel GOOD. I now take that cue with me every single time I play. Making that invested not only boosted my confidence, but showed the "audience" that was "heckling" me that I meant business.

I hope you can take something from my experience. Best of luck!
BonsaiGuy is offline   Reply With Quote