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Old 01-13-2019, 10:52 PM  
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Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: US
Posts: 1
Default I thought he was Jesus

So I heard this one voice for like two years and was convinced he was Jesus, but one day he told me his name was Phil. I pick up fick off the ground and am convinced it is uranium but I throw it away and try not to worry about it. I have this other voice that has been going on but Iím too afraid to say who I think he is. I can do normal stuff and stuff, at least I think I do. Iím too terrified to drive except I drive just fine, Iím just paranoid Iíll get in a crash until I actually get behind the wheel. No one seems to notice Iím any different because I donít say what I think or believe since Iím so paranoid; at most theyíd think Iím joking which actually helps me learn to be a little comedic sometimes. I had a substance abuse issue that I guess I can say I conquered, at least up til now. I constantly have a live chaotic connection to this one particular voice, though I hear many. Hallucinations of the visual sort are rare but today they were common. I have freaking spasms that are so annoying but I always forget to tell the doctor, but Iíd hate to have to take more medicine that doesnít work. So, voices. They hardly ever command me to do anything, and when they do, sometimes I do it and other times I donít. I lost all my friends but not my family. Only because time went by and we never contacted each other any more and we got older. So I guess I have schizophrenia. Like itís hard for me to believe until I remember Iím actively hearing voices practically all the time, mostly voices of real people Iíve met along the way. Anyone relate? I wasnít born with it, probably my substance abuse caused it or contributed to it. Iíd love to hear the absence of voices again but am prepared to live with them. I have only told some of my family I have schizophrenia, and no friends. Hope this can help someone some and not just me. Yes I have been taken to the emergency room for an episode, and I had to make sure they knew I wasnít the pharaoh when they carried me on a stretcher. Sure, Iím normal-seeming on the outside 98% of the time, but thatís not 100%, there have been screw-ups. Maybe no one will read this or maybe it will become a popular thread, but itís all true, every word.
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