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Old 12-13-2018, 08:54 AM  
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Default Re: Was I Insecure Here?

Originally Posted by MaroonAbalone View Post
Something's been on my mind for quite a while, and I want to know: Is it okay for someone who you're seeing to be messaging another friend of yours as much as he does to you or more even though there's nothing sexual?

P.S.:: I didn't stop talking to him because of her, it's because of a whole other reason not related to my friend! Just FYI~

In short, a close friend of mine and a guy I liked would always message each other whenever we weren't talking (in a friendly manner, I saw convos they had w/ each other and I know my friend. She knows her boundaries yet, I've realized, she doesn't recognize what's wrong at questionable times). I used to bring it up with her several times but she'd give me this blank expression like she was confused. Another friend of mine called me "insecure" because I said I was uncomfortable with what was going on, it was strange to me. I hate to admit, but I also did make my friend cry because after a few months, I got fed up and indirectly lashed at her (ex. stopped talking to her).

I remember not being loud enough when telling her I didn't like this situation. Ugh, I wish I had more confidence then. I just didn't know, I've never been in a real relationship and that was my first, so was I supposed to let it slide?

To be honest, something needs to be clarified here, in the end you say this was a "first relationship" but nothing in what you'd said so far indicates there was anything serious going on meaning reason for this guy to feel he was exclusive with you. Unless that part has been left out. If there was some agreement and you were going out with him not just friends, then yes there can be a problem with the other person giving as much attention to others of the opposite sex. Otherwise I see no reason for him to think there was anything wrong with it.

We can talk about whether you were just insecure or not til the cows come home but first, I think you already know this. Second is that you had your reasons for that insecurity. Especially if you were quite fond of this person and assuming you didn't voice this to him and it wasn't known to him, that would feed your insecurity too. there are a lot of things going on here that were fundamental reasons for being insecure and I don't think you should beat yourself up about it at all.

The problem with the girl friend that looked at you as if confused was it seems to me she wasn't really trying to understand your view or empathize at all. she didn't try to respect or see your perspective but just wrote off your feelings as if they were invalid. I am sure that did nothing to help with your insecurities in the first place.
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