Thread: Integration
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Old 12-11-2018, 11:18 AM  
amandalouise
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Default Re: Integration

sometimes I get asked by my family and friends if I am ever afraid that my alters will "come back" or "become un integrated again" My answer is always no.

so many mental and physical elements had to line up perfectly in order for their creation. for them to be created again or become un integrated all those elements would have to line up perfectly in the same identical ways that they did the first time.

just taking the physical elements.. the body and brain have 100 billion nerves, receptors, synapses, chemicals, and path ways are continuously being made.

what are the odds that I experience the same abuse during a thunderstorm that resulted in Rainy's creation and my body followed the same identical nerves,receptors/ synapses and pathways that my brain did when I was a 4 year old child.

I know how to use therapy techniques like breathing, relaxing, grounding art and much more. what are the odds that my amygdala will now choose no emotions flight response, instead of sending the message of fight because I have all the skills now to handle adult issues.

Add to that what and who each of my alters were...what are the odds of all the different elements that made who and what "rainy" was being removed from conscious awareness to being dissociated again....my being so traumatized that I would be triggered into a state of dissociation by every single memory, emotion, behavior, thought, likes, dislikes, everything she did, said, believed, thought, .... in order to make who and what she was be redirected by the thalamus to my unconscious dissociated long storage tanks again

The odds of all the different elements for this to happen lining up perfectly like the first time when I was 4 years old with no skills to handle adult issues are so astronomically small and rare that I am not afraid of this happening.

like I told them.... theres more to being DID then these sensationalized books, movies and tv shows.

they have nothing to fear, my alters are now a part of my conscious personality instead of being dissociated. I have no doubt that for a rare few all the different mental and physical elements needed may have lined up perfectly but for me the odds are so astronomically small, that I am confident its not going to happen to me..

then I usually lighten the mood with hey I live in a major and entertaining city why would I move back to a small, underground mining town, enter the mine and be abused just so that Rainy can come back when she is right here with me... everything she was and did is now part of my own conscious state of mind personality. Besides I hear that old mine has lights and sirens and plumbing now, complete with its own tourist attraction guides.

my friends and family usually joins in with the banter of the old days and how things have changed and we move on with the understanding that my alters are forever merged back together with me.

editting to add here a definition...

my use of the term "astronomically small" may confuse others.

Astronomically means there is so many stars, planets, .... in the universe.

i use it here as a way of saying there are just too many elements (astronomical) that need to come together, that the odds of it happening for me is too small to even calculate. a minute speck of dust not even equal to 1 in 100 billion worth of nerves, receptors and synapses..

Last edited by amandalouise; 12-11-2018 at 01:28 PM.. Reason: finished an incomplete sentence
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