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Old 12-06-2018, 12:15 PM  
Open Eyes
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Default Re: it's all your fault

I am sorry that triggers you so much raging vortex, unfortunately a person can experience a lot of traumas and emotional abuse from individuals who always DEFEND their dysfunctional toxic behaviors by saying to their victim "it's your fault" .

When someone has been traumatized so much where they genuinely struggle, they already struggle with guilt and shame and often feeling depressed and sensitive the last thing they need is someone making negative statements and telling them it's their fault. Often the reaction is what you have described, total frustration and anger even though the person struggling doesn't want to experience that anger.

Criticism doesn't help someone who struggles with PTSD, it's just that simple. Instead when someone is struggling they need a lot of reassurance and help with problem solving based on THEIR personal challenges which requires actually LISTENING to them instead of listening for something that can be picked apart and criticized.

The therapist that helped me the most actually knew how to LISTEN and I don't ever remember him telling me not to "feel" and NEVER told me things were my fault either, in fact what he actually did do is he noticed by listening to me how whenever I talked about something very upsetting, I tended to talk and cry at the same time instead of actually feeling safe to talk about something sad or traumatic and being allowed to "sit" with my feelings.

Are you seeing a therapist right now raging vortex? It's not easy to find a good one, I have been looking myself and because I experienced ones that did not help me, and one that helped me a lot, I want to find someone that can pick up where the one that helped me left off as he retired.

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