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Old 11-28-2018, 12:04 AM
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elevatedsoul elevatedsoul is offline
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Default Re: struggles

Im good now and hoping to keep it that way atleast pertaining to my feelings about being here in a new home


my dad keeps telling me that i dont have to stay here and that i can come back there but what he doesnt understand is the toxicity involved with me being there


By frozen i mean i get stuck on a train of thought or perception that i am a problem and making everything harder for the nice people here.. such as my depression anxiety and in and out of work due to being in triggered /depressed modes.
Paranoid in thinking they want me to leave but dont because i have no where to go and that they dont say things to me in fear of what ill do..


I still try to help and do chores when like this but isolate and seclude myself if possible..
So its not a catatonic state but like being trapped inside wanting to scream out that im not ok and need help and afraid but too afraid to speak about any of it even though they seem to notice and ask if im ok


and i also try hard to talk myself down from that place.. trying to rationalize and think constantly about how im just over reacting and that they just want to help but i dont let them..?


I dunno if that makes the experience clearer, its just all so compartmentalized?

I dont know how i could feel like that right now for example, because it doesnt make sense and i know they want the best for me and love me .. so i dunno why i fall into places like that
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