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Old 11-13-2018, 12:43 PM  
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Default I miss getting high

I know it may be a loaded title and I hope it doesn't trigger. I am a functioning junkie... my drugs of choice are Percocet and Oxy, although I don't mind taking high doses codeine 300mg and above! I have been sober for 3 weeks and I am hating it. The first week I was detoxing and it was horrific. Now I'm physically ok but emotionally I feel flat. Ironically I work in the mental health field and I'm approx 3 years away from becoming a psychologist. I am just hanging on but I feel like I'm going to crack. Only one friend knows I use but she doesn't know how bad it is because I am very functional. I hate to say it, but I have seen patients while I am high which I'm not proud of.

My pills were my coping mechanism. I know that, I understand why (I never learnt healthy ways to regulate distress), and I like it and don't REALLY want to stop. The only reason I did were for 2 reasons- money and I felt physically dependent and I didn't like that feeling . I might just be venting but how do you who struggle with addiction manage to stay a float? Like I said I love getting high more than pretty much anything else, however I know it isn't good for me which is why I am trying to get a handle on this.
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