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Old 10-18-2018, 08:51 AM
Hastings101 Hastings101 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 12
Hastings101 Hastings101 is offline
Junior Member
Hastings101 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 12

Default Re: New and a problem

Well, things seemed better and then right back down again. My husband has never really been too fond of my family. That's OK. I get it. I don't feel like they have to be buddies.

The thing is, my husband sees everything as a competition. There are always sides. I (and my family) don't see it that way at all -- not in relationships.

Lately, my husband has dealt with a LOT of stress. And a lot of it is centered around the medical community. He's seen multiple psychiatrists over the years and finally found one he liked who seemed helpful. Then that doctor prescribed a medication that caused weight gain (which he'd clearly said was a BIG no-no for him). Then the doctor left the clinic and became virtually unresponsive. Things were looking up when I got him an appointment with another doctor at the old clinic. Then, yesterday, the doctor he was scheduled with got sick and they can't get my husband in until a month later. Meantime, he has run out of his meds. The clinic won't call in a refill until he's seen the doctor. So, round-and-round.

It really soured my husband even more on the medical community. Problem is, I have doctors in my family. No psychiatrists, though. None of them would call in a prescription for him because they're not well-versed enough in those types of medicines and were fearful of causing more harm. They did offer other help, though, through advice and trying to use any contacts they could think of.

That wasn't enough. My husband insisted that meant they didn't care, were only out for money and didn't want to help him because he's in last place among the relatives.

None of that is true. But all this has just dredged up all kinds of problems that have been ongoing: his feelings that my family puts him and his son (my stepson) last. That he doesn't matter. That I always side with my family over him. The last is not true. I am on his side. But he gets very irrational and cruel and plays mind games. If people don't read his mind and do what he thinks they should do (without him saying it), then they fail. If they are given a heads-up and try to help the way he wants, they're being fake. Unless I completely cut my family off, I'm on their side. My parents prefer my sisters to me. My father, grandfather, uncle, someone must have molested me and brainwashed me because there's no other way I'd be so attached to my family.

None of that is true. But I can't convince him otherwise. And I can't feed into his delusions by agreeing with something I know is wrong. When he gets like that, he's really out of control. He's broken things in our house. He's told me he wants a divorce (then backtracks). He's told me he hates my family. He hates me. He feels like hitting me (I truly don't believe he would). He loses control.

I try to stay calm and get him into a better place but I don't know what to do. And I really don't know what to do with the family thing. I'm not cutting them off. They've made some mistakes and there have been some miscommunications, but they do care about us.

I wish he would agree to couples therapy or something like that but he won't. He's convinced talk therapy doesn't work for him -- he's tried it before -- and that they just keep you hooked so they can get more money. He's open to other help, like anger management therapy and he's open to psychiatrists and medicines. He's just having VERY bad luck right now.

I'm getting close to the end of my rope with all this.
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