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Old 09-13-2018, 11:49 PM  
My Paper Heart
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: Florida
Posts: 90
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Default Re: How to break free and change my way of thinking

I'm working on several of these issues. They're improving slowly -- at a snail's pace -- but that may be because I have so many issues to work on simultaneously.

I will say that I find it interesting that my upbringing (if you can call it that) was quite the opposite. Starting at the age of 11, I was parentified and made to be a 2nd mother to my younger brother. Although I had major behavior (anger) issues before that, after that I kind of melted into the background and was only criticized... But I was criticized over everything (including being yelled at once because my brother missed the after school bus due to him talking to his friends).

I'm quite familiar with fixed and growth mindset -- I had to suffer through an entire day of presentations on just this (rather than actually accomplishing something useful). Personally, I just see growth mindset as being positive that you can change. I'm a pessimistic realist so it makes me want to roll my eyes, even though I've tried it (unsuccessfully).

I don't see the connection between these issues and ADHD. I know ADHD since I have it... I'm assuming the thought was the Inattentive type of ADHD. But it sounds more like rumination on the past, perseverating worry, and obsessive thoughts about your music. I deal with, in general, those same things (ruminating about the past, perseverating anxiety about everything, and obsessive over-analyzing of little details) but those at atrributed to my Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. ***Note: I am NOT suggesting you have OCPD. Many mental health problems deal with these same issues to varying degrees.

I can't offer any help or suggesting on improving this stuff. The only way these have been affected by my therapy was by finding the root cause of the problem: I realized that this was mostly caused my mom -- I couldn't do anything well enough to gain her approval or praise... Success was just expected and any achievements I got she one-upped me on... So it took realizing that most of my issues tie back to mother and my anger/hatred of her to help fix it. Being childishly defiant, I'm determined to push aside the Jimeny Cricket-esque mother on my shoulder and just do my best. ('Mom said it was wrong to ask for help. But she's an idiot so I'm going to do the opposite of what she said.' As I said, it's childish to do the opposite just because it's what she said but it's proven to be increasingly effective.) Like I said, it's slow going and thus far I haven't been too successful but that's not from ineffectiveness as much as forgetting to implement it all the time. (I struggle with integrating such things as habits but once I get it, it shpuld be quite effective. And if it works, who really cares if it's based on childish behavior or not?)
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