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Old 09-07-2018, 08:27 PM  
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CasuallyAwkward has no updates.
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Washington State
Posts: 13
Default Re: Don't Know How To Feel

Between what just happened with the roommate, doubting my own memories, and this sudden talk about fixing our relationship, I'm in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack. My mind is locking up and my hands can't stop fidgeting. My former significant other(I'll refer to her from now on as 'Connie') finally comes back into the apartment after getting our roommate's(I'll refer to them from now on as 'Amber') call.

Connie sits down and tells me that we've been having a lot of problems in our relationship. I knew we were having some and that we had a lot of work to do on both of our ends. Connie said that if we kept going like that, one of us was inevitably going to commit suicide. I had no idea things were that bad. This was the first mention of it.

The thing is, Connie had been apparently been talking to Amber about this for the past 15 weeks behind my back. According to them my frequent breakdowns were emotionally abusive and I wasn't being as supportive as I needed to be in regards to Connie's transition. I felt absolutely awful. I had no idea I was making my partner feel that way. When I would sit there and cry, Connie would always try to coddle me instead of tell me there was a problem. Whenever I thought a problem was fixed, they would apparently go and cry about it to Amber.

Now, when they actually brought these problems to my attention, I was shocked. I had no idea what I was doing was upsetting Connie like that. They had had some anger issues in the past where when we'd argue, they would try to verbally attack whoever they were arguing with in order to 'win' the argument rather than actually try to fix anything. They had gotten better about that over the years, but whenever they tried to coddle me when I was upset and assure me that I hadn't done anything wrong, it felt like they were just going back to that. They never stuck it out and insisted that the problem was me.(cont)
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