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Old 07-18-2018, 06:35 PM  
ginger13
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Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: WV
Posts: 19
Default Need your input please

Hi all! I am Bipolar, but after being told by a coworker (in a somewhat joking manner), I 'must have BPD' (she doesnt know of my BP diagnosis), I've been researching.
I have violent mood swings, some days extreme rage and often rudeness, I am married but it has been VERY rocky even before our marriage, I do not like people bc of extreme distrust (even in people I should trust including my husband).

I have been withdraw since a toddler and extreme depression, suicide attempts etc leading up to my BP diagnosis at age 27. I feel most comfortable in a dark room in front of the tv or just lying in silence with my dog, or taking a walk. I constantly have racing thoughts, but my job requires extreme multi-tasking and I can't "leave work at work". I am a nurse in a jail so if I am disrespected, my ugly side comes out (others do the same tho, in my defense). I have almost no self-confidence and 2nd guess almost everything I do, except I know that I do a good job in many aspects of my job. When my boss pays me a compliment, I feel good for a moment, but I think she just wants to keep people around and it isnt really based on my performance.

I have always believed that everyone lies and manipulates and that feeling has become worse over the years: physical illness and life saving sugeries, rape, physical/mental abuse, back-stabbing friends and family, deaths of close family Etc... You know. Life.

I am on Lithium and Lamictal and recentally added Vistail. My pdoc is satisfied with my labs and my mood when she sees me, but she isnt always with me. I dont have SI, just want people to go away and leave me to my thoughts.

Is it possible I have BPD or another personality disorder?
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