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Old 07-16-2018, 05:32 AM  
Xaldin
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Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: Mesa
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3 yr Member
Default I think I may be a Vulnerable Narcissist

As the title implies, I think I may be a Vulnerable Narcissist...

It's strange to have such a sudden realization after clicking on a video that got my attention on FB and then to post about it on this website which I literally haven't visited in years.
The irony of it is, by doing this... I may be just feeding one of its symptoms: Self-serving attention seeking.

Despite that I do believe I still feel empathy... when it's not clouded by my negative emotions. After some consideration, if there is a spectrum for said disorder, I would likely somewhere mid-tier. While I'm self-aware and can function somewhat normally when things are fine, but when the feelings of envy, resentment, jealousy, spite, etc arise when things don't pan out for me...
when I constantly compare myself to others and go "why not me?" "why are things working for them?" "nothing goes my way it seems like, it does so easily for everyone else" "im suppose to have super high potential according to my parents, why do I struggle so much?" and so on.
Heh... I even tend to find myself constantly looking in the mirror just like the whole old myth of narcissism began.

So what does that mean then? Even if I'm self aware, can change my patterns, my behavior for the better? Or is it just too hardwired to my core? My brain? My DNA?
Will I continue to think that I should be better and get frustrated & angry when life says otherwise and I blame everything from the universe, to the people around me, to my past, to God themselves? I don't know.

I want to believe I'm not a bad person. I want to believe even though I may be sometimes self centered, that I'm still kind... or can be anyways.

Or maybe... this might just be me crying out wanting things to be different. Either way... thanks for letting me ramble. Have a nice day.
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