Thread: Family issues.
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Old 07-08-2018, 02:40 PM  
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Weareallmadhere93 has no updates.
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Location: TN
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Confused Family issues.

I donít understand anymore not that I really understood in the first place. My mom is sick with fibromyalgia and I let things go with her because I didnít want to be in trouble or her stressed out. I have had to lie to her because she doesnít believe the truth. Iíve had to swallow my own feelings and let her do as she pleased for a long time.

I have been told multiple times I was lucky she wasnít her mother or my Aunt. Yet Iím asked why I donít act like my cousins and it hurts. It has been said so much that now Iím numb to when she brings it up. I donít understand now or then why I wasnít good enough just being myself. My cousins think I blow the entire thing out of proportion because they adore my mom. Thatís lead me to being the familyís outcast. My cousin has even heard my mother call me a pig before to my face and still doesnít see why I want to leave. My mom is constantly on to me for something and the more I try and be nice to her the more I am criticizing myself due to her expectations.

My father is a different issue all together. He thinks of how he looks more than he cares about how I feel. He has lied to me on several occasions, left me alone to fend for myself, has ignored me on purpose and much more. I donít know what kind of Father tells his daughter she is the family disgrace after one accident other than mine. He even told me all my cousins would marry before me and my youngest cousin is a few weeks old. Iím 26 assuming she marries at 30 I would be 56 years old and I have another cousin on the way. Is he telling me Iím ugly and will never marry or what?

Sorry Iím just ranting it seems but the point is I remember all through my middle school, High school years and beyond I have felt like nothing but a Burden to my parents. I prayed for eternal damnation just to make my mother happy for a day. I grew to resent my cousins (not that I resent them anymore) and myself due to the lack of matching up. No matter the win for me weather it was learning to read with Dyslexia or being a published poet; I always felt less worthy of anything. Congrats and a pat on the back. Yet my brother won a game with the team itís letís go celebrate and share the news with everyone. To this day what he did is still talked about and Iím on the shelf. I donít remember my parents ever celebrating a win for me past getting my GED and graduation CNA Training with family. Iíve always felt less than everyone else and lately its been worse.

My grandparents have forgotten me at Christmas not a big thing to me it stung yes, but what hurt me was being given food gift cards that they had been given. Iím the only plus sized grandchild they have and the rest of the girls got clothes tailored to their taste. The remarks my family make hurt and I wonder if I should just leave them to it. I mean I donít think they would miss me at the events and I donít see the reason to go to a place where Iím not wanted unless it benefits them.

Sorry again, maybe I am just a sensitive child. Yet honestly I donít know what to do anymore. I just want to hide in the mountains unseen by people. My family made it clear Iím unattractive and undesirable, would it be best if I just left them to be happy?
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