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Old 04-27-2018, 01:32 PM  
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Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: USA
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3 yr Member
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Default Could I Have it?

My therapist agrees that I have a personality disorder of some sort but is unsure which one or which combination. I do have severe anxiety and OCD as well. I'm wondering if you guys in this forum can tell me if this sounds at all like what you experience.

1. I am extremely introverted to the point of social isolation most of the time. I do have a fiance that i love spending time with because i am comfortable with him. I am also comfortable around my grandma and my sisters but that is about it. I get incredibly nervous about social situations and will worry about going to a party for weeks in advance, only sometimes to end up bailing entirely. I do prefer to be alone, and it's not that I think others hate me. I think I don't know how to have fun like they do and feel relaxed and natural in social situations like others. I want more friends but at the same time want to be alone. I am very jealous of people who have a lot of friends and who are fun and extroverted. In comparison to those people, my personality seems muted.
2. I don't have any really odd mannerisms, besides avoiding social interaction and preferring to keep to myself. I dress normally and like to keep up with trends.
3. I do however have alot of obsessions and ruminations related to my OCD and have had some episodes of dissociation and depersonalization and constantly fear I am losing my mind. One time a few years ago I couldn't tell if I was remembering a dream i had or a memory from years back and I was so traumatized by that episode that now I sometimes fear I'm remembering things that aren't true. For example, my friend posted on Facebook that she is selling her house and a couple weeks after I thought I remembered her posting again saying it was sold. I knew immediately that this never happened, and yet it felt like I "remembered" it. I checked Facebook to make sure and indeed, it never happened. There was another time where I thought I remembered my therapy office sending me a letter inquiring about why I missed therapy, but i knew it never happened! Other times they are more random - like the other day I had a vague memory of someone telling me they needed to repierce their ears because the hole had closed up and I really don't know if it ever happened or not. Symptoms of OCD or not? I'm not sure. I normally have an excellent memory but unfortunately since the inital memory episode in which I feared I was losing my sanity I have it happen probabaly once or twice a week where I suddenly "remember" something and am unsure if it happened or not.
4. I have some magical thinking, but i know it is related to OCD. For example my bed sheets have to be tucked in tight at the bottom (and I make sure they Are) every night or I feel I'm less likely to sleep. I know this isn't rational, but it's anxiety-driven.
5. Sometimes I talk to myself and hold conversations with myself in which I pretend to be someone else. This only happens when I am very bored and alone. I know it is really strange. It is kind of like excessive daydreaming, I usually imagine thst I am someone important or that i am entering into a romantic relationship with a perfect guy who loves me, or something like that.

What do you guys think?
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