Thread: A Question
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Old 03-13-2018, 03:50 AM  
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Default Re: A Question

Originally Posted by graystreet View Post
That's because I was tired last night and forgot to add that part to the story.

I already said we fought a lot, and bitterly, but for someone in my shoes that apparently isn't enough when it starts happening gradually. We'd had a specific fight, about a week and a half prior to my coming down, during which he made the statement, "I'm your last resort, but you sure as hell aren't mine." That's nasty in its own right, but given my fears about other women, it was specifically nasty. And also not true--there are other people here. I'd just chosen to cultivate a relationship with him because I thought, and he had given me the impression that's what we'd both wanted for so long. It was the first time I noticed how intentionally cruel he was. I told him it was a statement I didn't know if I could come back from and, though I obviously still had feelings after that point, they definitely cooled. The second fight was a few days after that, and I'm not really going to go into it. It was just another instance of him telling me I basically didn't have the right that night to speak to him on the phone, him going in circles for hours telling me it was a consequence of my actions etc, etc.

Looking back, of course I realize that none of this was normal, that some people may call me stupid, and that my first instinct to leave (which was actually in December) I should have left, that the nasty words aren't normal. But you're talking to someone with BPD from an emotionally abusive childhood. I know all of these things and, in other circumstances I have been able to look out for myself and say what doesn't work for me.

Hope that clears it up some.
I am supposing if you are coming from an emotionally abusive childhood you were often fighting with people with whom you were emotionally close to. So fighting with a loved one can feel somehow like it is not totally a bad thing? Maybe you might think you could sort the fight out and be close again and get the healing you are wanting? There is also that reality that if you are fighting you are putting yourelf in a situation where you are more likely to be abandoned than if you were somehow able to manage the situation differently. Unfortunately it is just a fact of life that if you feel a very strong emotion when a person does not give you attention and you respond by saying they should be understanding of your desire for attention because you have BPD it is not likely to work out in your favour. Often if you get involved in your own interests and your other friends, the other person gets less attention then they are wanting and they want to come back to you for your attention. He seems to have enjoyed your attention. Perhaps you two are just struggling to get the balance right?
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