Thread: A Question
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Old 03-11-2018, 01:27 PM  
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Default A Question

As someone with BPD, I am aware that this forum is for people with NPD so, if you'd like to move this to another forum, I understand. I have been reading several posts this morning and, respectfully, I come with a few questions because there are a few people on here who have given me some insight into the mind of the individual in question.

My ex? The last time we were together he said it wasn't a relationship, so I don't know if he even is that. We had been friends for 13 years, meeting online through a photography website. He had flirted over the years, but one of us always had a significant other, not to mention I'm in Michigan, he's in Tennessee. In 2016, we talked more earnestly about trying to make something happen. For a few reasons, it didn't, and it ended in us not talking for a while. Cut to this past November, and we started what I thought was online dating in earnest. He came to see me while on a business trip, immediately made plans for him to take time off for me to see him, a trip which I just came back from this past Tuesday. We explosively ended it during that time.

I have a job which allows me to take assignments in other states. This was something he encouraged while we were talking to one another. Basically, to me, we had liked each other for a long time, are old enough to just stop ****ing around, and liked each other enough to just try and make it work if it were in any way possible. And, with my job, it was possible for me to go down there for a few months and get paid for it while we dated like normal people. It seemed like we were in agreement with this.

Before we started something, I told him that if there was even the possibility of someone else, that I didn't want to start anything because it wasn't worth it, long distance. He said he was not involved with anyone. Through it all, I had a weird intuition that this wasn't true, and asked him. He continued to deny it. Of course I found out this was a lie after things ended; I messaged the woman (not even the original woman I suspected). Of course she had no idea I'd just spent a week with him, told me she'd just spent the night with him the week prior, when he told me his son was over. And a few weeks prior to that.

When asked why, he told me it's because I'm a crazy stalker, and that he has recordings and texts of me and will go legal. We had a lot of knock down drag out fights over text, while I was there. It always ended with him gaining the upper hand, me emotionally spent. Looking back, I feel like an idiot, but it was pretty insidious. And I do have BPD. He always said I was so stressful to his life, but he saw a good and pure heart in me, that's why he stayed. My BPD is pretty high functioning and, before this, I was stable. During this, I was not. I'm okay right now, just kinda processing.

I guess the hard part for me is getting in my own way. There are things I remember and realize that it may have been me leading this the whole time, that he just let me do what I wanted and was along for the ride. But there were sweet moments, too. I will say that I was just about out of the relationship a week prior to coming to TN, and he begged me to come. The day I got there, I realized I didn't want to be there, and told him so. He asked me to stay, even in a friendship capacity. I know there are a few things I said to him which brought him to the brink of tears, which he attempted to hide from me. We fought, it got really, really's a very long story and this is already becoming a novel. But I'll tell you if you want to know.

What is circling in my head is was anything real? He always said, I really, really like you. I have just been so hurt by jumping in head first and need to see how we get on before I jump head first with you. And of course, in light of what he told me about past relationships that makes sense. But I don't think any of what he told me was truth. His last girlfriend probably didn't cheat on him. His ex wife probably didn't emotionally abuse him. But who knows.

I probably haven't given you enough insight into his mind for you to understand that he has NPD...but if you want specifics, I'll tell you. There were some very specific scenarios...him forcing me to hug him on his bed after he'd broken me down during a fight, while I was hysterically crying, after I'd just verbally degraded myself, forcing me to tell him I wanted to stay in TN and why I wanted to stay. If I didn't tell him that, then I immediately had to pack my bags and get out. During this fight, he said I hit him, and recorded me saying I hit him while I was hysterically crying, and he was laughing. (I had pushed him away from me while he was screaming in my face that I am an abusive piece of ****, my hands accidentally slapped against his chest...and I was apologizing for accidentally hitting him; that's what he recorded.) That's one. There are more.
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