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Old 02-25-2018, 04:38 AM  
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MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
Member Since: Jul 2013
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Default Re: BPD mixed with which knows what (please help)

Originally Posted by BriarHeart18 View Post
I seem unstable and depressed but underneath I feel heaps of anger, entitlement, superiority, and a painful need for validation and attention.
I almost spit my coffee out when I read this because I think I was almost reading about myself.

have daydreams of people admiring me or being shocked at me, or pitying me.
My day dreams of me being amazing and saving people I want to pay more attention to me or me being saved by those I want more attention from.

Im very worried about my appearance. I could dress even slightly “wrong” imo, and social anxiety and depression will ensue because I think I’ll automatically look awful and fat.
I just don't go on vacations or to parties because the stress of putting "nice" clothes on makes me want to slice and stab myself by how much I think I am fat and ugly.

I hate humans, I hate the world for being so awful and horrible and stupid. I’m suicidal for my BPD but also because I feel like I don’t wanna be around regular people anymore because they disgust me and the world’s getting worse. When I die I want to learn the secrets of the world.
Unfortunately when I hear about shootings or earthquakes or about an event where people died I am like "good less people in the world" or I get jealous I am not dead.

have severe identity issues which causes me to latch onto a label for me to act out as.
I could not figure out what to become. Everytime I met someone who I though had it together I would say I am going to school for what they are. It ranged from speech pathologist, graphic designer. I could not find my own identity.

sensitive to criticism. I perceive any change in tone or critical word as an insult or as someone being mad at me. My response is typically anger or hurt or both.
I would go into what is called emotional flashback all the damn time at a job every time I was talked to on how to do something better or how I should behave or smile more. That job almost killed me.
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