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Old 02-23-2018, 11:12 AM  
here today
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Default Re: Narcissists everywhere??!

I don’t have NPD, as I said, but I have participated in this forum for several years – sometimes to codependently come to the “rescue” and support of the narcissists from what were some vicious attacks from people who thought they had the right to do that. But also, perhaps more honestly and realistically, because there is a “part”, or two parts, of me that are narcissist(s). And I have wanted to understand them better.

I say it like that because I was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder 8 years ago, after a lifetime of therapy on and off, and it does describe a lot of my internal experience of myself.

But I suspect that everybody has narcissistic impulses – just part of what we come into life wired with. And I think that some of those impulses can be what is generally called, for good reason, evil.

I’ve worked very hard coming to terms with my own “evil” presences. At one point I looked into demon possession and even went to an exorcist! That didn't help. In my case the evil part acted in, against me, more than out against other people, from what I can tell. But that was then a part of another kind of personality disorder and years of depression. So I haven’t contributed much positivity to life, either.

Coming to terms with “evil”, though, has been important for me. Yes, it exists. It is scary. But knowing it, and knowing about it, provides some – alternatives sometimes.

I think that probably can be the case in dealing with real-life narcissists, too. If/when we can know and accept who and what we are dealing with, and how they are likely to function, and that trusting them is not something that we are inclined to do anymore – then I don’t think we need to avoid them entirely, demonize or be scared of them necessarily. We are not so vulnerable to being hurt by them anymore and they just are who they are.

I’ve done that with my internal “evil” parts, too. Not so scared of them, there is a reason they are/were there. I think it’s all a part of a package – when I know my own evil and am not so scared by it, then I’m not so scared when I think I see it in another. I’m less likely to “project” and to see what might be evil in another more clearly and realistically. And to be cautious, perhaps, but not necessarily freaked out, though that is occasionally justified, too, and I am better able to distinguish those situations.
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