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Old 02-22-2018, 10:22 PM  
BriarHeart18
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Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 6
Default BPD mixed with which knows what (please help)

I have bpd but Iím sure I have another Cluster b disorder. Iím thinking I may be a covert narc because on surface I realized I seem unstable and depressed but underneath I feel heaps of anger, entitlement, superiority, and a painful need for validation and attention.

I have daydreams of people admiring me or being shocked at me, or pitying me. Typically the people who used to bully me in MS and my therapist or people I just met.
Iím very worried about my appearance. I could dress even slightly ďwrongĒ imo, and social anxiety and depression will ensue because I think Iíll automatically look awful and fat.
I talk about myself. Way. Too. Much. I rant to my friends waaaayyy too much to the point where my saving grace is my silliness and humor. In fact I rather talk about myself and I only ask about their problems because itís the right thing to do, not really that I care unless itís my FP. In fact even when my FP talks to me about herself, i tend to zone out or feign considerable interest.
I hate humans, I hate the world for being so awful and horrible and stupid. Iím suicidal for my BPD but also because I feel like I donít wanna be around regular people anymore because they disgust me and the worldís getting worse. When I die I want to learn the secrets of the world.n
I think Iím special and smarter than most people if not everyone. I always felt ďdifferentĒ and still do.
My worst symptom which ties into my BPD. I have severe identity issues which causes me to latch onto a label for me to act out as. But whenever this identity is threatened by say my therapist or if I get invalidated even slightly, I fall apart. Iíve split on my therapist recently for saying I should ďtryĒ to let go of the labels thing. Like she and my therapists from before donít understand how deep this is for me. I NEED validation to survive. Whenever this kind of thing happens I get SUPER angry (to the point of violent thoughts) and eventually become very depressed about it and suicidal. (Even more than I usually do.) in fact I really hate her right now for it.
Iím sensitive to criticism. I perceive any change in tone or critical word as an insult or as someone being mad at me. My response is typically anger or hurt or both.
I think I deserveÖ.. a lot of things lol. I feel like I deserve some type of compensation for living such a ****** life. A part of me canít believe that Iím actually living such a crap life with no upsides. I honestly feel like I deserve a million dollars for putting up with it.

I donít expect a full-on diagnosis. Iím gonna see a specialist soon but Iím not sure when thatíll come be. I just really need to get insight.
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